Hey there, So I guess I joined this place so that I don't feel like I'm battling this addiction on my own. I am really at a point now where I am so seriously depressed about this. I rely so heavily on fapping to deal with all my every day problems it destroys my self esteem and has ruined all my relationships, my career, my health, my friendships. It makes me feel so awful about myself, so depressed, it reflects in everything I do, I've become so bitter toward people. I so desperately want to stop. I guess I would like to know what strategies I can put in place to stop myself in the event of temptation. I am quite familiar with porn blockers and don't think they really work for me other than by preventing me from making an accidental click. I am quite savvy about bypassing that kinda thing, so really I think it has to come from within. Also, incidentally, I need an Internet connection for my work so getting rid of it entirely isn't really an option. Personal strategies I have thought about implementing are: - Practicing self care, e.g. eating well, exercise. (on my way with this already, joined a gym, trying to eat stirfrys and things) - Meditation in the morning before work (mindful meditation involving reminding myself of my self pledge and how I am going to deal with it) - Seeing my shrink to talk over my problems. - Try and make new friends... this is a hard one since I've totally disassociated with everyone I know bar about 2 friends. - Trying to fill my day with activities... This is also hard due to being depressed all the time partly from so frequently fapping. It doesn't help much that I work from home so I have a lot of free time and this can make things quite difficult, it also makes it harder to make friends as I constantly only have myself to keep me company. Any thoughts or advice is appreciated, all the best with your journeys. Thanks for reading
Welcome to NoFap! You are with friends. All of the above are great ways to combat PMO. You have plans in place as escape routes but have you identified the triggers? Are you hungry, angry, lonely, tired, sleepy, stressed, bored when the brain fog rolls in? You know that trance that clouds reason and directs you to P shutting out the subconscious that warns you of the dangerous move you are about to make and only seems to lift after O. Since you work at home on a computer, if it's a laptop, go to a coffee shop or library if possible. Keep windows open and even doors open as well as lights on. Darkness extended darkness is on the enemy's side (PMO). Darkness also doesn't help depression either. I've been there and depression is real and a quicksand that slowly pulls you under. You can win against the enemy!
Well the first day I failed miserably.... 3 times in 1 day my god. I think maybe I was seeing it off? Not sure, but the following day I made it and this is day two. Feeling stronger and more confident in myself already, really hoping to maintain it.
Welcome to the forum. @D . J . gave some good advice. You are correct that merely blocking access to pornographic material is not the solution. The root causes that cause the urges need to be addressed. Addicts use objects/pictures/events to alter, medicate, sooth, numb, or escape negative emotions. It can be as minor as boredom or loneliness, as serious as childhood trauma, or to medicate a mental health problem like depression or anxiety. Like DJ said... what are your physical and emotional triggers? What feelings are you trying to medicate? Then learn to address those emotional needs in healthier ways. The first few weeks are the hardest as you go through your detox period. Start a journal. Write down your feelings. Stay out of the trance/auto-pilot mode. Don't fantasize. Take away your opportunities by going out in public or by stripping away any illusion of privacy in your house. Reconnect with people - family, friends, community, yourself, or God (if you're religious). Delete your porn stash and bookmarks. Educate yourself on your addiction at www.yourbrainonporn.com. Develop an emergency toolbox of activities to do when the urges strike. Confide in a real person about your issues... when you talk about it then the addiction starts to lose it's power over you. I hope some of these suggestions work for you.
Thanks for all your advice so far. Second time around I appear to have successfully stopped for at least 4 days. Feeling good. My genitals feel like they are healing and even growing, I suspect the growing is a result of prolonged morning wood creating temporary inflation and my balls have grown as well mainly from semen storage. I have had some pretty insane things start to happen in my day to day life I wanted to share. Generally I'm not bad with women, but I just don't get a lot of attention from them unless I really work for it. Recently I had a situation working with one of my new clients, she told me she was married and we started working on her computer problems (I fix pcs for a living for people) ordinarily I think she would just leave the room and leave me to it. Instead she started talking to me and casually stretching a lot. What I found most peculiar was how intensely she began stretching, it got to a point (I sh*t you not) where she had one leg up on the desk to the right of me right next to my face and was thrusting her hips toward me in the direction of my face. I don't think she really realised what she was doing and when I turned to look at her she blushed and suddenly realised and stopped. Very odd... Ridiculous... But apparently I have some new power! Lol Second situation occurred while visiting a petrol station, this girl walked in and because I haven't wanked in days my pupils became large and I just went wow inside my head at how gorgeous she was (ordinarily I might just ignore it) I queued behind her and she didn't even know I was there, a few seconds later and she turns around and looks at me with this like shocked expression and look of attraction and looks me dead in the eye. Then mutters "oh uh oh uhm hmmm uhh I better get some milk" and suddenly rushes off to get it and continues glancing at me occasionally from a distance. I am not that attractive a guy by the way! But I haven't ever had that before. This is very exciting stuff. I am noticing a strong musk smell from my armpits also, this is not unpleasant but noticeable. Lastly I haven't been sure where to post the rest of my experiences and journey on here. Any suggestions on which thread to post on? So far definitely feeling the effects and that motivates me to continue, speak with you all soon!
This is your journal, post as you may. If you want to post in another forum, the off-topic may be a safe place. I do get the sense though that if you do post in the wrong forum, the moderators with place it in the correct place.
Hey again, Another exciting update. I have been dating a little over the last few months but each girl has been very ordinary looking and unappealing to me. I keep meeting with girls who have really let themselves go, they are overweight, uninteresting, boring people who I don't find attractive, I've not been picky until now so I've just gone with the flow and lowered my standards. Last night I spent a while on tinder (the dating app in case your not familiar) and found this gorgeous Chinese woman. She added me and ordinarily I would probably just delete her, sounds crazy, but my standards have dropped so much I don't trust anyone pretty adding me on Tinder, I figure they are fake or they aren't really interested and added me by accident. This time I had a go. She is a knock out 10/10 in the looks department. I knew what I wanted so I praised her with compliments and told her how attractive I found her (something I wouldn't normally do) and insisted that we meet immediately, surprisingly she agreed. I spent the evening staring in to her eyes with confidence (also something id find very difficult) and talking with her like a normal person (again, ordinarily its so hard for me to communicate with women well, my confidence has grown hugely) Long story short after sushi and a few drinks we kissed and i am seeing her again soon. I still have yet to masturbate and I plan to continue this indefinitely if possible but I realise its a long and difficult road ahead. It's amazing how so many good things are happening in such a small space of time, it just has to be related.
Ok, I just relapsed. After what I'd say is around a week. Feeling like I've really let myself down. But also I am happy I made a whole week without porn, the trigger was waking up and having to go to work where I feel used by a company I work for coupled with withdraw and an entire night of no sleep and constant stress and thinking. I've been knocked down a peg but my journey starts again and if I can get more than a week next time I'll be happy I at least reached that. So here we are again at day 0. I just hope I haven't lost all my special powers in one swoop. Wish me luck.
Identify your triggers - physical, emotional, environmental - and avoid them. Think about changing your job if it is making you so unhappy. If you continue to surround yourself with things that make you want to PMO then is it any reason why you relapse? An alcoholic needs to stay away from the bar... needs to stop looking at or thinking about alcohol... and fix the reasons why they drink. An alcoholic needs to put himself in an environment that gives him a chance at recovery. 7 Days is a good streak only if your streaks have been shorter. You need to get past the 2-3 week mark before your physical withdrawal symptoms will start to subside. Otherwise you are simply repeating the same cycle over and over again. Learn from this experience and actively do something that will prevent you from making the same mistake again. Think about getting an Accountability Partner whom you will report to every day and when you feel weak. Talking to us through your journal is ok, but interacting with an specific individual will give you an added level of accountability for your actions. Time to take your reboot to the next level. Obviously what you've been doing hasn't worked yet... it's a good start... but it's time to become even more committed to your recovery. You can't try to do barely enough... you need to Shock-and-Awe your addiction to overcome it. I believe you can do this! Find what works for you and do it!
The positives in the slip are: You've identified the trigger. You have resolved to begin again. Now, devise a plan to deal with this trigger. This is a difficult trigger because finding another job may or may not easy for you to do. You know your profession and the difficulty of new employment but that is an option. In the meantime, decide what you can do to cope with your workday stresses because even if you did change jobs, there may be the same or a different type of stress there that would trigger relapse. What I see an an even more important trigger for you is the lack of sleep you had. When one hasn't had enough sleep, anything could be a trigger and stresses are magnified so make a commitment to yourself to get as much sleep as possible. If stress is what kept you up, taker a hot shower to relax, meditate or pray to calm yourself or drink a glass of milk to ease your nerves. Keeping yourself calm will do wonders. I agree that an accountability partner will give you level of responsibility to someone other than yourself. If you don't have anyone you are willing to share your struggles with there are those on here that are willing to help you, including myself. Let me know. There's whatsapp as a way to communicate as well as apps like r|tribe. If not there are many of us that will encourage through your journal.
Yes I think sleep was the killer here combined with constant thoughts about work and responsibilities. This is quite eye opening as far as realizing I have been avoiding so many of my problems by masturbating instead of hitting them head on. I think shower/bath could be a good option, I'll go for the chamomile tea, maybe I need to watch how much energy I'm consuming during the day and ensure I'm working off enough to allow me to sleep. Obviously though, when it's late and you're in bed tossing and turning it's quite difficult to suddenly go exercise though I think this could be related. Working in this industry is all I know, I am unable to change careers and to be honest don't see that as an option at all, thanks for the feedback though, I have a lot of planning to do.
Perhaps, that's not particularly encouraging though. All I can say is so far my lifestyle has (up until now) improved greatly since stopping.
Very cool. You are going to make it. I choose to believe you can and I choose to have faith in you that you will, though it's up to you to do the work.
Thanks for all the tips, I will review and consider, I think the accountability partner wouldn't work for me. I'm very honest with myself and what I do, I feel that having all the responsibility on me is the best route rather than sharing it with someone else. I think saying I will stop "indefinitely" is wishful thinking but perhaps unrealistic of me, perhaps I need to set a short term goal and aim for that. I am thinking 90 days to completely reset and then assess myself from there.
