I've been with my girlfriend for four years; we're each other's best friends and we've spoken countless times about moving in and getting married. My inability to stop looking at porn though is in danger of costing me this relationship. When we first began dating I had a porn problem that dated from my early teenage years. I disclosed this to her and was able to stop after seeing how much it hurt her. However, after about 8 months of being clean I messed up and started looking at porn again. I kept telling myself it would be the last time, that I would be able to stop on my own accord and that I didn't have to tell her that I was looking at that crap again. Long story short, it's been almost 3 years and I still haven't been able to stop. She found out I was still looking at porn about 2 months ago when I was showing her something on my phone and s previous search entry popped up. Needless to say, she was extremely hurt and has difficulty trusting me again. We both know that if this happens again it will probably finish our relationship. She's the best thing that's ever happened in my life: I want to do right by her and be completely open and honest with her, but I'm really struggling with staying away from porn, especially as we're in a long-distance situation (with visits) for the next year or so due to our respective studies. I need help, I can't lose her. I've installed website blockers/filters already, but I still find ways around them when I'm bored or alone for long periods. I need to stop, and I want to, but I'm scared I won't be able to.
Good luck to you, GentleBeast. It must be difficult being away from your girlfriend, and battling your addiction at the same time. It's great you want to change, the blockers are a great start. You also identified being alone, and bored, as triggers. So now you can plan strategies to avoid or minimise those things occurring. Start a journal, set a goal. We are here to help read journals in your age category (or others, I often read outside mine) and see what works, and doesn't work, for others here. Best of luck to you!
Thank you for your kind words M L. I talked with my girlfriend about it and she has agreed to help me as much as she can in beating this. Together we've come up with several strategies so I may avoid any triggers. I have set a goal as well and I will be starting a journal too. Thanks again for your advice, I wholeheartedly appreciate it.
Great statements mate! You can accomplish this, with the support of your girlfriend and talking openly about it, I'm sure it will make it so much more achievable and you will succeed!
Thanks man, we've been talking about it a lot the past several days, and though it's difficult for her she is committed to helping me through this. I honestly don't deserve her, she's beyond incredible. I'm so ashamed of the pain I've caused her; it makes me more determined than ever to rid myself once and for all of that filth. Thanks for the encouragement, the support here means a lot.
Why don't you look for a friend or a colleague to stay with during this year? He can be your AP and if you are colleagues , you can even study together.Hope you best of luck.
