Trap of nihilism

I sit here and question myself, a barrage of thoughts that just seem bothersome. Thoughts that tear down what I believe for my life. Picturing someone asking over and over, why this and why that. To the point I begin to doubt why I’m even living this life.

Those are trappings of a mind that only sees itself. That we dismantle and attack because we fear that we are missing something. I would rather be foolish and moving vs bitter and cynical. I don’t know how this all works and I accept that.

There is more than a lifetime of knowledge I may never understand. Yet I know someone will as they will just gravitate towards it. For I am not a rockstar and I am not a high power ceo, those are not my ambitions. Those are not my daydreams as I work my way through this life.

If we continue to say life doesn’t matter, that none of us do, it becomes true. All the fuel siphoned out of a car, the wind taken out of the sails. We simply sit in place and wait to die, toiling away and just wasting time. We are here because we waste time, we are here because we choose something meaningless. Something we aren’t even involved in, watching porn is not normal.

It’s no wonder we become insecure, we tear down anything above us that we see. We choose to use everything inside and give it away. We show no respect toward our own lives, and yet we still expect to be treated as such. To say women are all parasites simply because we cannot look them in the eye. That we think what we have is worth feeding off of.

So what if we have to give at the risk others can just take. We get burned, rejected, and even crushed. There is always a lesson If we care to see it, if you say you don’t care then why should life care about you? I’m not on my high horse, I’m just saying there is another side to all of this. You don’t have to be alone feeling such sorrow, to give up on all your desires and wishes. You just need to understand that life isn’t dictated by what we want or think we deserve.

I see a beautiful woman, I let her pass even if she doesn’t look back at me. I smile and just appreciate her as I appreciate a nice day. That’s a lot better than needling, then firing shots of resentment. It’s not gonna be easy, it’s not a safe path, but at least it’s a reason to see another day.