Went through with it last night, and she/it was actually really good/nasty at being a dom. a very intense rush and demonic but totally traumatic really. Weird self abuse/ self harm, messed up stuff. They use these lights that cast a Smokey swirling effect on the ceiling, along with trancey house music it’s kind of demonic and gay add some poppers to the mix and you’re in hell. I blank out the male features concentrate on the tits and femininity and the shock factor of this creature having a dick. (Not that I’m trying to convince anyone I’m not gay, I’m just reflecting on where my head is at in the moment.) Im not really into the bible and god but why am I wanting to be seduced by the devil? Some of them are pretty twisted and narcissistic and empaths are attracted to psychos for some reason! Weird I search for the ultimate naughty intense f..k and when I get it I feel like crap as soon as I come and realise I’ve done it again. I’ll Dust off, but it does rattle my confidence. Then I speak to a fellow from SSA and he says I need to admit I can’t beat it or I’d have done it by now and I need to surrender to god, which is pretty difficult when I dont believe in him. I ask what he means but don’t get a reply. I hope I can beat this, it’s getting pretty f..ing annoying. I’ve looked up surrender from spiritual teachers Sadhguru and Eckhart Tolle. They’re basically saying surrender your ego and self esteem loose that side of you and be spiritually enlightened. Which I can for brief moments when meditating. But for the rest of my life to be void of ego and an over active mind when I’ve got adhd is pretty tricky. Is god going to fix my mental health if I ask nicely and repent for being born at a stressful time of my parents life and then facing traumas along the way. God i am so sorry ffs! Ps thanks for letting my mother die you prick armen
The text of Step 2 of SAA (and AA) states "we came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity." This doesn't mean it has to be Christian in nature, just a belief in something out there greater than ourselves, that we can draw strength from. I believe this part of what letting go means; that we give up the care of our addiction to this higher power. However this does not mean we have give up control of it. Hope this makes sense.
Thanks for your explanation, the guy who runs the group is Christian and says it’s easier if we’re Christian. It talks about choosing god as we know/understand but the book was written by Christians and refers to god as: Him. I prayed to god for my mum beating cancer and I believed she would. So did he just think he’d have a bit of a laugh and let her die? Am I really supposed to worship him after he’s done this to a good person and believe that he’s going to fix my hyper sexuality? My dogs also dying shall I pray and get her fixed too? Or does he only help alcoholics and sex addicts? I’ve been to about 8 of their meetings and they still keep saying you need to realise you can’t beat this and surrender and declare yourself an addict for the rest of my life. Ok Mother Nature is more powerful than me I believe this for sure. So Mother Nature will you take my addiction and restore me to sanity please? Is this right? What do I do now? Thanks
Hi mate, read your initial post. Don't have any advice to offer but I wish you well. I never booked an escort but I was looking into it, so I was almost there. I feel your pain.
Thanks mate, don’t do it. It’s a toxic cycle which is very difficult to break. You’ll feel disgusted with yourself. They brag about being addictive and that no one can beat it. There’s a lot of suicide in the trans community including the customers.
Sounds like a greedy sex worker to me. I experienced the same with OnlyFans. I was addicted to this one woman who claimed everyone always comes back to her and 'relapses'. Now I look back, it's so fucked up how these women are sucking the lives out of men. I had a random thought that, if I ever was seriously dating a girl and I found out she has an OnlyFans, I'd probably end things with her.
Yea total narcissism: selfishness, involving a sense of entitlement, a lack of empathy, and a need for admiration.
I remembered we have this pamphlet at our meetings: "What if I Don't Believe in 'God'?" https://saa-recovery.org/literature/6895/ Dealing with the word 'God' Although the steps use the word 'God'... SAA is not affiliated with any religion, creed, or dogma (Sex Addicts Anonymous, page 21) Still, we frequently encountered the word 'God' during readings and sharings. Therefore, we needed to develop ways to deal with hearing and seeing it. Some of used substitute words such as "love" or "SAA" whenever the word "God" appeared or we changed the term to an acronym. The meanings we attached to many words, (including "God") evolved during our healing journey. My heart goes out to you man, you've been through a lot. I'm a Christian myself, I can't tell you why things happen the way they do. I'm not going to say that a loved ones dying is part of a 'greater plan', however, I don't believe God is indifferent to our sufferings. God cares deeply about you, your mom and your dog. You are not alone and you are loved. If you ever need to talk hit me up.
Realize that TS escorts have a much greater chance of being HIV positive than the general population. Some aren't aware that they are HIV positive. Some don't care. Condoms aren't 100% effective. Some don't even use condoms. I read a story of a TS escort killing her "date" and setting his lifeless body on fire. He was a married businessman with a wife and children. Can you imagine their shock? You are putting yourself at great risk. I've gotten into TS porn and wasted money on cam shows. Thank God my healthy fear has kept me from going to TS escorts. I don't want to have to go down to the clinic and test for HIV. No thanks! No fun! Let go of your shame and forgive yourself. Be grateful for being alive and healthy. Focus on activities that will nuture your body n soul : run a 5K or 10K, swim in a pool or ocean, go for a hike in nature,play an instrument, write a book or poetry, cooking ,photography, volunteer in your community. There are so many options! Find one that you connect with and gain positive dividends from.....Forgive, forget,move on with Love,Peace and Acceptance ❤. Do you have a son? Would you want your son getting addicted to TS escorts and porn? Is this the life you want for yourself? All the best! Recovery is possible!
Have you tried using minerals? So your dopamine neurotransmitters in your brain are dependent on magnesium, people with low magnesium levels suffer from addiction. What porn does is it creates a similar rush that crack/cocaine gives you, it targets the dopamine neurotransmitters. People suffering from low magnesium are dependent on their addictions to get these false effects of joy or enjoyment, but a person with healthy magnesium levels wont have such intense experience because their dopamine neurotransmitters are kind of like being comforted by the magnesium. It sounds crazy, but this has been a working theory of mine for some time along with research. While I'm on a regular diet and not consuming proper amounts of minerals I suffer from low energy, sleep problems, and porn dependence. Im also less happy which leads me into watching more porn for enjoyment. When I use minerals i have more energy, im happier, and while the porn is still there I can fight it. A few times i went to watch it but just lost interest, put my penis away and carried on with what i was doing before. Im not saying its a cure all fix, but itll make these things a lot easier. That being said my fetish was fucked up, i was into hardcore (straight) porn, and the porn got more and more aggressive over time to the point it was borderline rape porn. I knew i had to stop and after having several months of nofap on and off i stumbled on mineral healing by accident. Before i would masterbate to this shit 5 or 6x a day. I haven't fapped since i started up again on mineral treatment. Now i personally try to find mineral dense natural sources rather than supplements, I like burdock root, and ORMUS. You can also try mineral dense salts like dead sea salt or himalayan, and irish sea moss too. Around 80% of people in the US have magnesium deficiency, out the 102 essential minerals thats just one. Idk if its just magnesium that helps or its a few but i know it works. Im not a doctor though and you should consult with one before you add this to your diet.
Cheers dude, funnily enough I’ve just started taking zma zinc and magnesium I take this at night along with 5HTP and my bipolar tablet. (Olanzapine) Then in the morning have a high strength multi vit and omega 3 for better brain function for adhd and sometimes a spray of CBD for anxiety .In the past I’ve found magic mushrom micro dosing to help. But I’ve also had intense relapses using shrooms, booze and viagre plus trans escorts. a mad blow out, I crave from adhd and escaping my very tiring brain that doesn’t shut up and is go go go. I’ve only just been diagnosed with the adhd and they’re going to try me on Stimulants in 3 months. I’ve been off the booze too for a month and everything fees it’s working better. It would be nice if I could just use the stims for controlling these intense sex storms and also when lethargic or poor concentrations. It’s worth trying anyway as I’ve been pushing for the diagnosis and treatment for 2 years. We basically lack dopamine as it is. And the risky intense sex will kind of level things out. The problem is it leaves me skint, regretful and disgusted with myself plus frightened how out of control it’s become. Sounds like massive improvements mate, nice one. I think we adapt to the porn rush quite quick and easily push its boundaries to get that shock. It really helps having these tips and encouragement on this site. Thanks again dude
