Quite the username mister. Nice reply too. Makes me feel less awkward seeing someone with a name like that. Just thinking how random and patchwork mine is. Not saying yours is just saying it's different.
What I am reading here is, YES, you might have been those things...but there is nothing the boat can do about the wake.... that is history. You have been pointing your boat in the right direction for 14 days. THAT IS HUGE! Shame is fair if it builds a fire to move you in the right direction, but don't over do it - your you'll keep turning right back into the wrong direction. Take pride in the little things you are doing right. Build off those than the support you get here. Congratulations!
I, too, am addicted to massage parlours, as well as having been successful with nofap years, before. I admire how candid you are in sharing your state and where you'd like to soon be. If it's of any token to you, you've at the very least, changed my view positively.
@SteveIsMyName Thank you for the kind words and being honest about your addiction. This addiction gets worse and worse for me as time goes on...untreated. Things I say I would never do end up being done. I've also started speaking with a therapist in addition to my daily practices to stay focused on recovery. This is a great community. I always find what I need here...it's just sticking around for the Long haul that becomes challenging.
Keep that ship steering towards freedom please. Mine has sunk and I'm basically at the mercy of the winds in a raft but maybe I can find a piece of driftwood to make an oar with?
That's why people talk about escalation and basically with a sexual compulsion it means depravity for some reason. Debasement increases dopamine or something crazy. It really is bad and I experience it too. Also why they say addiction is a progressive disease however I don't think it's a disease number one and number two we always can start making better choices but try to have some self-compassion despite the degrading shit. You aren't alone in it.