Total Failure

Hey, it's okay man, I too had the worst fetishes one that I was very ashamed of was blackmailing and cuckold, but after a long streak these thoughts have disappeared and now I look back and think of how disgusting it was (not that you are disgusting) but I want to make one thing very clear these thoughts are not the actual YOU, ever since the dawn of humanity we have always been looking for the next dopamine rush so it's normal we resorted to these things nowadays.

The key to conquering these thoughts is through mindful meditation, you basically sit down and meditate, anytime you get a thought like "I want to masturbate to that porn video" you basically return your attention to your breathing; that way you will train your mind to never resort to doing the thing.

I always had terrible fetishes that I could never act upon in real life, like blackmailing a girl or watching my girl getting fucked, hell I get jealous and angry whenever my girlfriend starts getting closer to a guy other than me, so these fetishes don't really reflect the real you they are just a dopamine parasite that you have been resorting to.

 

this is a really good way to think of the issue - it isnt you, its something that has taken hold of you.

Be kind to yourself and stick with it. It takes time but you can be helped. Bless you brother