To Infinity and Beyond my Journal

Uhm

I made it two weeks without relapsing . Without this site. And said I’d come back if I needed to.

so I guess I need to now I had a wet dream.

I’m like doing my mantra more seriously with kegels every night before bed.

atill it’s tough.

im doing my best not to like edge on the girl I’m taking to. Sometimes I get anxiety and will look at a picture of her which calms me down.

but she doesn’t trigger me. Not really. It’s that stupid sex book I was reading. To try to impress her.

map foolish of me not to listen when she said to throw it away because it was too triggering.

some come came out. It wasn’t too much. Because I stopped it. But I’ll get on my sperm retention hypnosis tape as well everyday no matter what.

Retention hypnosis and kegels with mantra before bed. Yes.

and post on here of course

I couldn’t do the group threads. I guess I’ll get back in those if I need it too -_-

I wish I were stronger and less easily triggered.

still I’ll just only look at a picture of that persons face and shoulders. No full body pic

I’m meeting her for the first time tomorrow. That’ll be interesting

we’re friends that like each other at this point. You know what I’m gonna read my book everyday 2+ pages too. Noma

yeah

I’m seriously heartbroken every time my streak breaks my heart breaks with it

agh

ugh

T.T

it’s okay it’s alright. I know the hypnosis to do now. I know what mantra and physical and reading to do now.
Literally my back hurts every time this happens too. I wonder if it’s true that oral sex is bad for you.

I wish I listened to Pennie. She knew that book was no good for me. Idk if I’m gonna tell her about the streak. She’s fully supportive of me.

she said she’d like understood I’d be devastated if the streak broke and would do her best to help me maintain.

I’m going to sit and japa for five minute now to punish myself for failing. Then five more at night with the hypnosis autosuggestions and kegels. >: |

I ask the universe and gods to help me please maintain my streak forever no matter what happens and keep it going well with p.

thank you