No, it most certainly is not. You guys are interpreting what she said and taking it out of context. She is saying it in the manner of X person can fantasize about their future. Having a family, an ideal wife, what they want to look like. Not sexual. There is a major difference between the two.
I agree, but for someone who is struggling with PMO addiction that fantasy can easily transform to "oh, what will I be doing when I'm married to this sexually attractive lady?" and become perverted from there. That's what we're trying to explain.
But that is different then what she is saying. She is saying the Nonsexual part is completely okay. You guys are changing the context of what she said.
We're not changing the context, we're mentioning that a perverted man will take innocent and unperverted thoughts, ideas and fantasies and pervert them - that is what people with addictions do.
I agree with Elduderino. @Limeaid is female and hasn't experienced how a male mind will quickly jump to a sexual scenario from a non-sexual one. Secondly, she may have masturbated to porn, but she has no first hand experience of the addiction we are afflicted with. I have to say that her point of view, in this instance, is rather naïve.
3 things that have helped me become more sociable: High School Speech and Debate. Constantly, obsessive cold approach. Getting a job as a server where I am required to do constant presentations, sell products, and constantly interact with my tables. As for pick up/game. Get your mind off that bs immediately. The only route is natural game. Natural game happens from constantly approaching women with no canned material. You do that until you're comfortable approaching and then you'll finally become expressive and be able to comfortably display your self. Canned material is bs. Research RSDTyler.
Well, I think you're all turning this into something this isn't. There is nothing wrong with positive visualization, even for someone with a serious porn addiction. It should be possible for anyone to envision a happy future with a person they love without turning it into some kind of sexual fantasy. And if you're really so far gone that you honestly can't do that, I'd suggest you practice at it. I mean, if you can walk streets full of triggers without running straight home to masturbate -- which I assume you can -- surely you can take a few moments to visualize a positive, loving relationship with another human being without being compelled to relapse. Can't you?
This is exactly what I am saying. If we have nothing positive to look forward to, why are we even doing this? So what if she is a female, she has experienced how a female mind works not a male. You haven't experienced how a female mind works, so how do you know it is different? I think first hand experience with your spouse being addicted to porn is plenty of an outlet without being addicted yourself. It is ignorant of you to toss her opinion out. She is a human being, and while she isn't a male, she is human. She still has sexual thoughts, her mind still works. Squashing alternative opinions and telling people they are naive is in itself, naive.
In response to @Limeaid and the people arguing over whether non-sexual fantasies are okay or not, I can offer my (limited) experience. It's difficult to say whether non sexual fantasies are okay or not. The majority of my fantasies are non sexual, maybe 9 out of 10, or thereabouts. It may be positive or motivating to imagine feeling happy about being with someone. But at the end of the day, or rather the end of the fantasy, is any of it real? You're still alone and you're still not happy. So, will your future actions be representative of your (non sexual) fantasies. Can fantasising give a man the confidence to ask that girl he likes for out for a coffee, or whatever. I'm not sure the answer will be yes. The psychology is not that straight forward. For what I have found, fantasies are yet another veil to hide behind real life. Many a time, I've not had the confidence to act on my 'desires' (for lack of a better word). Has that been due to shyness? Or has it been due to the fact I've been so caught up in myself, that when I come to the situation itself, I shit bricks? The answer is probably both. All I can say @Jake Wards , isbe careful. @IGY 's and @Elduderino 's posts are based in experience of fantasies. Their concern is justified. There is no right or wrong way to do this necessarily, but from our experience, non sexual fantasies can easily turn into sexual ones, which can affect your reboot and life goals. It's okay to struggle with it. It's tough mate. I guess my advice would be: don't get to caught up with yourself with fantasies (sexual or non-sexual), but don't let trying not to fantasise suck the life out of you either. If that makes sense...
I know that an addict will fantasize sexually about anything if they want to. I also know an addict will not look to us to condone a behavior, he will do it anyway. If you want to turn this into something it's not then be my guest. I am merely suggesting that the guy try to reframe his thoughts into positive ones. That is all. Maybe if addicts spent more time thinking about positive aspects of life instead of feeling constant shame for being human we'd have less addicts. But what do I know? I know nothing about addiction
My best advice would be to stop thinking you're missing out on an amazing party by being single. Between the ages of 16 and 25, I never had more than about 3 months between a new relationship after breaking up with someone. And Id have flings and one night stands inbetween, and always be on the lookout for the next girl. Like you, I was convinced that I needed to be with someone - that sharing my life with someone would make me happy. It's such a lie. Sharing your life with someone wont make you happy. Sharing it with the right person, when you're in the right place as a single person, will. I decided to be single - to focus on myself and to be content on my own. Thats how I met my (now) fiancée. You need to find yourself before finding someone to be with. Someone will love exactly who you are, once you're happy and confident in what that is. I spent 5 months getting to know my fiancée, and didn't ask her out until I knew we'd be married one day. That's what I needed - what you need might be different. But ignore all this 'game' stuff - work on yourself. Be confident and ambitious for yourself. Be healthy and sociable for yourself. Pursue your interests and excel for yourself. And someone will love that about you, and you can bring it into a relationship. That's the best game plan. All the best, -H1
