Tip to approaching girls at the gym

You're brave, man. I for sure wouldn't even be able to make eye contact with her in the first place, let alone at the gym. Kudos to you!

 

That's so true! I always see myself overanalyzing every little detail when I'm texting girls, like my response time, how many ‘I's’ I should use when saying "hi" to her, whether I sound too creepy/clingy or not… it's actually kind of embarassing, haha. I suppose it's a sign of me lacking practice.
And that's just by text, mind you!

 

Or, you know, stop being a creep.

If a person is wearing airpods or earphones, it means they don't want to talk to you. And if you're "just being friendly" with the ladies and none of the dudes, you're still stuck in a pornographic mindset.

Just my opinion, though.

 

They're prob not sick and tired of getting checked out though, huh?

 

There's no hard-and-fast rule regarding talking to female strangers at the gym, or men for that matter. For the sake of the subject, I'll share my observations:

I've seen a dude get shut down when he approached a woman at the gym; she actually formally spoke to him then moved off (i.e. to get away) to another machine. As an observer, yes he was kind of creepy with his un-intelligent small talk, thus patronizing her intelligence. However, I think she may have been a bit harsh in her reaction. You can't make small talk? When the time comes that he makes it clear he wants something romantic, she is free to shoot him down then.

I've also seen a creepy dude make small talk with another girl and they seem to be friends/more than that(?) now. He's done this over time (talking to her). They leave the gym together, and I'm not sure what happens after. It's clear what he's after, to me at least. Not sure if she's giving him the time of day; actually, it seems she knows what he wants, and perhaps she wants a bit of the ego-M too, I'm not sure.

I've also seen girls at the gym give me signals that they'd like to be approached (I didn't).

The whole scenario is sad, disappointing and tragic, because the gym should be a lovely combination of socializing and dedicated working out. I don't believe the two are incompatible. But folks are so wary of so many things in there; so much posturing and pretension, so many confused pheromones etc (esp in unisex gyms). There's too many guards-up, paranoia and suspicion in there. You just get a bunch of stoic, stuck-up faces. Sad.

 

Hence, why I don’t go to gyms. I don’t want to socialize. So I do get your point; being in the gym in the first place is an invitation to socialize, AirPods in is a refusal. There’s mixed signals. What’s a person to do?

I guess I need to mind my business, that’s what it really comes down to. Go ahead dudes. Chat ‘em up. All you can do is your own thing, and they do their thing, and hopefully we can all read the room well enough to get some semblance of order and filled expectations.

 

Isn't it what women actually want, at least big part of them? Do you suggest that woman don't like to be approached?

It's individual so I won't come from assumption that everyone do gym because they want to be attractive but in some sort it's less or more true. Some people go to just feel better, be healthy, beat their records etc. so I don't come from assumption that everyone want to just look better but some do.

What you're saying is kind of against nature. Every woman desire to be approached, acquired or at least noticed. Why would they wear make-up, take care of skin and all other stuff? Yeah, to feel better and self confident. I get it but that's only one side of the coin. The other side of the coin is to just attract men to them. And it's not men's fault that they notice that! That's life.

Of course she might be tired of being object of men's sights and I also agree that there's a high chance that since she wear headphones she doesn't want to interact or at least pretend she doesn't want to. In that case I would not do that most likely. Still depends, though. Every situation is different. There's no same look.

Besides, it's always just nice to know people in gym, for majority of people. To not feel you're alone and you can small talk with others if you're borred during your breaks and share your thoughts, feelings, etc. We shouldn't isolate on each other... that's bad for both sides... It's not like he want to immediately have sex with that woman, just be more friendly to each other... The approach itself is always innocent.

To end what I want to say another example: clubs. Most of women come there with friends. You can suggest that they want to just have fun, hang out and dance with friends. When you think about clubs you come from assumption that women there want to be approached and approach. Why? They didn't came for you(taking your stand here). They came for music, friends and to feel relief after tough week.

And of course it's only my opinion on that.

 

I never approach at the gym. I’m probably one of the better looking guys there, get a fair amount of hints that they want me to but never do. I don’t want to go to the gym and have to socialize with everyone, and I also seen drama that unfolds there between people that do. No thanks.

 

this is so true. beautiful comment. We need to let go. I cold approached 5 people in one day at the gym : 2 guys and 3 girls. My intention wasnt that i had to get a number, but just to get out of my comfort zone, be friendly and social, exude positive energy. I wasnt attached to the outcome. One of the girls were married, and the other two were 17. But i still had a good 15 min conversation with the two 17 year olds. Just friendly chat. And it felt good

 

My experience ONLY, drawn from the gym I've gone to regularly since this summer:

The best way to get in with the women there is to build your cred with the guys first. It sounds weird but the official name for it is "social proof" and basically it means, if women see that you are a man at ease among other men and respected by them, you become more appealing. Women are ridiculously competitive with each other and they all want the top dog. It doesn't happen overnight, especially if you're a natural introvert like I am and you're not keen on engaging in the typical "bro talk" of sports, cars, politics and money. For me, it is happening just by being there regularly and about my business with focus. It has nothing to do with how my body looks (pretty average) or how much I can lift (not much but getting better). It's OK to keep to yourself, in fact it makes you different and that makes others (men and women) want to try to get into your circle as long as you're not putting off a negative, aggressive psycho vibe. Pick out two or three guys there who are regulars and have status (you'll know if you're observant), start interacting with them even if it's just a "what's up" the first few weeks or whatever. In my case one of those guys is the owner of the gym which I didn't know until after I'd been going there a few weeks and a gal who works there clued me in.

This is a lot of words to not directly answer the OPs question but my point is, a lot of women do not want to be hit on in the gym but that doesn't mean you can't still make something happen there. Sometimes the more subtle approach I've spelled out above is more effective.

 

Most women I know hate when guys hit on them at the gym since they are there to work out.

HOWEVER, if the woman imitates contact (looking at you, smiling, engaging with body language), they do want the guy to make the first move.

I will say you’re approach is less creepy and aggressive than some dudes I’ve seen.

 

Haha, thanks for your perspective. I'm a woman and I stopped working out at the gym because of this exact reason. Guys would come up to me at random and give me their number or say weird lines. The creepiest feeling is being in a place where all these guys are around you watching you secretly with all these strange thoughts on how to talk to you lol.