Hello fellow Fapstronauts! First and foremost all credit goes to My God, My Father! Without God, I would still be struggling with PMO but My God has gave me willpower so I can fight my way through! I just came out of the shower, in the shower I was so motivated to tell you my story! I started MO when I was about 10 or 11, it has been awhile so I can't remember the exact year, but that doesn't matter. I'm currently 17. I was later introduced to P when I was in fifth grade. It was the end of the day at school, we were heading out and my friend stopped me and said "Hey, I want to show you something" and well when he said I was excited that he was going to show me something cool, but then he whipped out a Playboy magazine and flipped a page to a woman fully nude. And that image is stuck in my mind. I don't think about it, but since I am telling my story I had to back to it. Back then I couldn't stop thinking of what I saw, I remember when he showed my that image I was shaking, that whole day I was shook but I liked what I saw. So when I was home alone on the computer I would search sites with explicit names in the URL bar. Just to find at least something. You might be wondering wouldn't I google search it or just look in a search engine? Well.... long story short it was a school PC my sister had to used since she was home-schooled, websites such as google, yahoo, youtube and so on were blocked by the school. So I noticed that some websites like animal discovery or TLC discovery was not blocked by the school and it wasn't really school related content. So that got me thinking if that website works maybe, other site that I do not know about also work. I was on the computer for like hours and hours looking for P. Surely enough found a site that was P and I was shaking I quickly close that page, sat there for a second, shocked. When I would look at the page I would shake like a leafed. I couldn't stop myself from shaking. Again, long story short, that's when I had become addicted to P. Seven or six years later, I began to put my life straight on track. I knew it was bad for me, I knew it was wrong. I started resisting urges, prolonged for a week then relapsed. But that was before I met Jesus. I repented my sins to Jesus. After involving God in my life, my life changed completely! There was so many moments where I would turn away from God and go to my addiction ways. But God <3 always brought me back to fight. I remember that Bible verse Luke 15:3-7 "Then Jesus told them this parable: “Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Doesn’t he leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, ‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.’ I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who…" It makes me cry with thank-fullness of my graceful our God is. Today was day 17 for me! And boy do I feel so good. I entered my flat-line like, maybe two days ago. I felt nothing no libido, no hormone jolts, no morning wood; NOTHING. I felt really sad at times, depressed. I read a post here recently and maybe I read it wrong or something. But I believe is said that even though you're battling PMO, you won't fully quit it, you'll have to always fight the urges for the rest of your life. That right there scared me that I would never be normal and would always have to be battling this dark side of me forever. So then I became depressed for maybe less than a day. When I would just think about that, I would quickly switch that thought from my mind. And I would pray to My God, asking him to please remove this thought from my head. Then My God gave me a thought, a way of uplifting my soul. The thought was that with God anything is possible, and when I need help to just ask God and he will help! And then my depression actually quickly went away. Today I just had this jolt of happiness in my life!!!!!!!! I wanted to write to you guys, to inspire you guys to fight!! P.S. Jesus is here to help you too!
https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?groups/christian-fapstronauts.8/&wtype=member Please come and join us! Your post really really IS quite beautiful. I'm battling, falling, battling and falling. But confessions like your inspire me. I can feel His spirit in you, brother. You're going to extend your days further in His name, for His glory and for His honour. Never give up the fight, you've got the Greatest ally on your side!
Complete a good reboot, and you will be amazed at how weak the urges become. You will always know that you could stumble but as you start thinking more clearly, you realize how bad that would be for you. You see yourself as a new man, and as a clean new man, you do not have the same temptation to play in the muck. In the New Testament, the word that is most commonly used to refer to the followers of Jesus is "saints." Sinner is almost never used for anyone in Jesus. As you come to see yourself as a saint that could stumble, instead of as a struggling sinner, you will walk straighter. That is who you are. You are with Jesus wherever you are, and with Jesus you want to do him proud.
