This is messed up... I feel like I'm truly denying my sexuality

I have been developed HOCD since January.... That one incident It's probably the worst moment of my life... This thing happens after 3 years recovering from PMO addiction from hardcore porn addicted for 5years straight which lead me to think that after fully recovered reveal my true sexuality....

Through my youth i always in love with women... Currently have a crush on my female coworker but i feel no sexual desires with her... Not sure if I'm going through a flatline but the fucked up part, when i think about straight porn it doesn't give me compulsion or hard erection... Instead of i replace with a beautiful hot chick with a dick i will get a hard rock erection, when i see one transgender in real life, i don't feel a thing.... I feel like the addiction is still crumbling my brain or just I'm being in denying...

I can't get arousal from straight porn anymore I'm extremely scared, i fought my addiction so hard to get a job hopefully i gain some financial depends that i can get a girlfriend... Imagine it turns out to be a twist... God must have been punished me

Thoughts abd doubts bothering me all days.. i couldn't function well, i feel attraction towards women but not impulsive... It felt like i faking it, also my heart love women but my brain feel like it disconnected... I don't know what to do anymore... I seriously need help

(You can go through my profile to read my whole PMO addiction and later HOCD, i just brief here...)