Thinking about other women during sex.

I have this issue (My OH is involved in the fantasies but I have to fantasize to O). I'm also pretty sure my OH (he is PA) fantasises to get himself to O during sex, because compared to porn I'm not enough.

We are both physically fit, attractive people too. It's a nightmare.

Sex should be intimacy, connection and love. You can't have any of that while you're off somewhere else in your own head. You might as well M. In my opinion it's just as dangerous and damaging to a relationship as porn, and we are both rebooting to hopefully put an end to all the destructive issues we've put into ourselves.

Can you talk to your girl about it with the idea of re-booting?

 

Well that's great then, I would deffo try to call it quits before it becomes a dependency, coz that's a sucky place to be. It's really good that you've identified that it could be a problem and want to work on it, I'm sure you'll do fine

 

Yeah, this is a bad habit. You must try and quit fantasizing. Fantasising is just as bad as watching porn. So tell yourself it is a no-go. Some people have a 3-second rule for mental fantasies - 3 seconds then stop. Other people (like me) have a 0-second rule - stop it as soon as you become aware that you are doing it.

You should also consider not having sex for a while, maybe three weeks, and going Hard Mode until the fantasies have subsided and you can focus on being in the real world with your GF.

I suggest you tell her about your NoFap decision when the time is right. After the shock and surprise she will be proud of you and support you and you need that to win!

 

@Single Palm Change I agree, after the tollerences I have built up for myself I'm also going for 0 second rule, I absolutely won't have this in my life any more

10 years of fantasising has taken me from a woman who can O from penetration & intimacy, to a woman who can only O from masterbating a certain way while fantasising.

It's just as dangerous to mess with as porn and I wish I'd never gone down that road. I just hope it can be fixed!

 

Great decision. Of course it can be fixed. We have many succes stories. Perseverance is the key.

 

Simply stop doing things you feel guilty about.
Don't worry about OCD. You are just ashamed of your dirty habit. This is a natural stage in NoFap. It will get better. After some time you will most likely realize that the shame is another way for your addiction to trigger you into relapse. So stop being ashamed and take responsibilty for your life. It's hard and it feels tougher, but it's better.