Think I’m ready

Hi I’m 28 and autistic.

I’ve got a serious P addiction.

I need to use the computer to work but I can’t think straight when I’m in front of one. As soon as I’m alone I do the thing. Since age 11 I’ve been (is there an abbreviation for edging??) nearly all-day nearly every day.

It got bad. Until 27 I was in my room every day JOing to increasingly worse stuff. It wasn’t so much the stuff itself, it was the idea that it was wrong, I once got-off to the thought of walking into oncoming traffic.

I’m out of my parent’s house now and constantly relapsing from trying to kick this major P addiction.

2017-2018 I was running 2.5 hours a day and doing body weight exercising before and after that - I was happy and healthy and I actually didn’t do the addiction very much. It even went back to being lighter content. This ended when I never really recovered from a viral infection in 2018.

I think the reason I kept relapsing was because I wasn’t really ready to stop.

I feel that my brain fog, IBS, physical and mental weakness, anxiety, social fear etc. will all be fixed by this reset.

I’m really looking to end it and my first ever girlfriend (of 1 year) has told me she’ll end us if I don’t this time, which has spurred me to finally give it the proper go I need.