Day 32 - thought I’d try to take some time to write a slightly longer post today. I’ve felt pretty strong so far this week - weak days seem to come unexpectedly and always catch me by surprise. I have been struggling with this for long enough now to know that sustained victory will require constant vigilance on my part. I think I’ve given up the notion that this is something that I can completely “conquer.” I hope that with sustained vigilance, it will become something that I think about less and less, but I’m very wary of allowing myself to believe that this issue is completely behind me. I’ve had long periods of victory in the past (prior to joining this forum), and as more time passed, I would let go of the reigns a little bit. Inevitably, this led to small compromises, which led to bigger compromises, which led to completely giving in. I say all of this as a reminder to myself that I must fight this enemy on a daily basis. Maybe as time goes on, the fight will require less conscious effort on my end. Maybe not. For now, I know that I need to punch this thing square in the face every day - knock it on its ass, and when it tries to get up the following day, knock it on its ass again. This community is my way of punching this thing in the face every day. I’m really grateful for your support.
Checking in day 14, now I am a recruit of Viking Army. I've noticed in my streak that I feel more at peace. Thanks for the support.
Day 6, I am coming after a break up that happened almost 2 weeks ago. Since then I've relapsed once, but I have to say that because I've freed myself from the burden of a relationship that couldn't work I feel a lot more excited about life now. It was something that was really dragging my spirit down. I hope that this will contribute to my streak. (Thanks for taking the time to read this post about me. I really wanted to share this with someone! )
Day 0. No M, but actively looked at P multiple times last night. It's crazy, I would open a page, close it immediately and continue on with the work I was doing. I was using it as a distraction from a frustrating task I needed to accomplish, not a sexual release. I contemplated whether or not to reset the counter - 30 days felt so good and this didn't feel like I completely "fell off the wagon" so to speak, but I know that last night's behavior is a step down an extremely slippery slope, and I do not want to take it lightly at all. I have had guidelines in place - no screens after 9:30 PM in particular has been a lifesaver. I stayed up late last night finishing something for work and this opened the floodgates. I'm realizing how success in this area is so closely tied to other areas of my life - I have completely let go of my meditation practice and have had little/no time for introspection over the past couple of weeks. It feels like I have to be vigilant in so many areas of my life in order to keep myself from falling into destructive behavior. It's really hard! Thank you all for your support.
Well done my friend. I am glad to know that you put an end to a toxic relationship and that is helping you achieve your personal goals. Nice!
Checking in Day 16. I just had a situation involving a sick relative and was feeling a little bit upset. However, I decided to go for a walk and now I feel a little better.