The six human needs and pornography addiction

LONG POST WARNING

I was listening to a talk today by Tony Robbins (the really popular motivator to say the least), and he was going through the six human needs. According to Tony these six needs are in one way or another the motivators of our actions. Anything and everything we do stems from the innate desire to satisfy these needs.

The six needs are:
1) Certainty. The absolute and certain knowledge that somethings will always be the way they are, and always have the same or similar effects. A common example is eating; every time you eat you are certain it will stop the sensation of hunger.

2) Variety/Uncertainty. The need that counteracts routine and monotonous activity. If you did something for the rest of your life without any breaks or rests, there will come a time when you are bored of what you are doing. Hence the need for something different, such as try out new food or taking a different route to work.

3) Significance. The need to be recognized and given a social standing. This adds value to the way one views them self. This can be achieved in a number of ways, such as complaining so that people can sympathise with you and give you attention. Likewise, this can be achieved through hard earned success, that gives one a new social status.

4) Love. Pretty self explanatory, but for the sake of consistency, it is the need to be in a close and intimate relationship, in whom we have complete trust.

These four, Tony calls the Personality Needs. From what I understand, they are the things that everyone needs just to survive and exist.
The other two needs he calls Spiritual Needs and they are 1) Growth and 2) Contribution. They are the basis for happiness and fulfillment in life.

Each pair of needs (1&2, 3&4, 5&6) are evil twins. Two sides of the same coin. They need to be well balanced, or else one will dominate the other and cause an imbalance.

Tony says, that if an action satisfies any three of these needs, it becomes an addiction.

Pornography, in my opinion, satisfies four of these six needs. I will now go through them.

1) It is very easy to see the certainty associated with pornography. We are certain that we will see erotic images or scenes. We are sure that we will something that meets our sexual desires and fantasies. We are certain that eventually, if we watch enough we will reach a climax and a sensation of euphoria.

2) Uncertainty reveals itself in the sheer variety and types of pornography available. There is always something new or more extreme popping up in any one category, and if we get desensitized in one category we can move on to a new more extreme one.

3) As a male, I will speak from a primarily male perspective. Males, biochemically and physiologically, are more inclined to exhibit dominance over females. It's wired into the amount of testosterone in our bodies. Pornography is well known to exhibit violent sexual acts against females, which can take on many forms. When we watch porn, or imagine ourselves in porn scenarios, we elude ourselves into thinking we are actually dominating a female and in the most inappropriate way.

4) This one is a bit of a hard one. I think we tend to blur the line between love and intimacy on one side, and sexual satisfaction on the other. An act that at some point was the physical manifestation of love, has completely lost that. But for many, we still seem to trick ourselves (sometimes) that we are in love with a particular porn actress or model.


In light of this model, it makes a lot of sense that we are forever stuck in an addiction cycle, until we finally break the ties. To be honest, these four needs seem to also explain why the porn industry and its constituents exist too. Just some food for thought.

I have been extremely close to a relapse for the passt 48 hours. Doing quick searches in google but stopping short of staring at anything. It has been very difficult. I am writing this now with the urge to search again, but I can't do this anymore.
I don't want to feel bad all the time. I don't want to lose all focus, all the time. I don't want to cause pain and heartache to someone I love. I don't want to live with the guilt.