The Motivational thread.

Thank you brother, it gain my confidence and I will do my best!!

 

After about 21 days:
- got a job offer, nailed the interview, next week will resign from the current job - this would probably not have happened, due to anxiety;
- I wink at girls and they smile;
- internally resolved a conflict I have with another person and it feels liberating;
- severe cystic acne at 37yrs old (no doctor was able to fix it - accutane twice ) has receded almost entirely in one week. Instead of hundreds of painful cysts, I have now two small blemishes that are hilariously persisten;
- since PMO is an addiction and is rooted in emotional pain, I spent more time with the pain and not escaping it, thus my mental anguish and overthinking have reduced significantly.

I mostly cut the P from PMO, I still do the MO part on rare occasion and I am aware that I use it as an escape from internal pain; this is the most difficult and deepest pain, as the compulsion started when I was 7 years old.

Finally, I came to realize that what I considered to be an ok, or at times good childhood was in fact 18 years of torture, terror, abuse and violence, all emotional and not physical. I see my parents through different eyes now and I hope to be able to forgive them one day.

 

Also been an unwanted child? Welcome to the club!

 

Sorry to hear your were or felt unwanted.

I wouldn’t say, in my case, unwanted, but my parents almost never allowed me to express my feelings in any way. I was supposed to be a piece of furniture, I guess.

I don’t remember ever playing with my parents. My dad was constantly angry, my mom almost never intervened in his bouts of anger, rather told me to stay quiet because dad is angry. He was not angry as in shouting, that would have been great, but he was frowning all the time and did not talk or answer any questions for hours; passive aggressive. I was not allowed to bring friends home or go to friend’s places. Was not allowed to take up any sports, on the contrary. Any positive outcome from my school was disregarded as ‘isn’t it normal? You want a medal?’, whereas any negative outcome (even simple stuff like low marks) was seen as a failure in life, time to lower the expectations of the future, bringing shame to family, silent treatment for weeks and sometimes months. My only task was to sit and say/do nothing. Even when I was beaten twice by gypsies, the teachers intervened, but my parents, looking back, didn’t seem to acknowledge that this is something that should not happen.

I have been beaten up (only) twice by my dad on the feet soles with thick plastic rulers, that I had to take sick days from school because of pain and shame: one for smoking at age 10 (both my parents were smokers) and one for stealing stationary that my dad... stole from his work (go figure).

So I think, looking back, that this discrepancy between how my parents behaved and how I was supposed to behave created confusion and dissonance; and at age 10, you can’t be held responsible for not being emotionally mature.

I think i depressed the motivational thread haha sorry guys!

 

It got confirmed by mother this year. Even as a child I intuitively knew they were living a lie. But now there is no doubt about it anymore.

This is exactly how unwanted children get treated. Maybe there is some bittersweet lie for you to uncover as well.

 

I'm also going through the process of realising that my childhood really wasn't ideal. I have forgiven my parents and accept them for who they are I acknowledge that they did their best through their own pain, but it still just really hurts knowing that a lot of my mental health issues originated from a cold, unloving environment growing up. I don't have the mental clarity to write much more about it now, just wanted to express that you're not alone in dealing with that mess of emotional content.

 

Hey brother, I feel you.
Don't worry we're here as community to support each other.
Take time to absorp material in this forum and encourage others.
I think one of the best way to get out from depression is by helping others.
Good luck and ask away if you have any question, I'm sure there are others here who can give you great answers
Keep the faith

 

I do bruh ! Let's become that One again ! Did you complete my challenge for today, brother ? I tagged you in that post, in the Duel thread ?

 

No brother, about the three challenges for everyday. Also, it was your turn to give us challenges yesterday. Maybe you forgot ?