the more I realize

I feel it goes way back to when I was 14, 15 years Old and I was looking for love on the computer because I was so overcome with fear to even go out to meet anybody. I felt so ugly about myself, no confidence and no self esteem. I still needed love even though I wouldn't go out to find it. I resorted to talking to girls or anyone online because I was young and had few to connect to. I ended up using online porn in substitute for love. I didn't need love if I just went to a website and fulfilled my endorphins and desires. Now that I have a girlfriend that I love so much and continue my 11 year habit it hurts her deeply. With my addiction being such a wall for me it creates shop much trouble for us. I'm going to try a method of introducing a trigger such as a sexual thought and reminding myself of my conquering statements in order to overcome the craving. It's called killing the craving. I don't like the girls or Masturbating but it's become such a habit its almost a necessity to my twisted mind. It's more of a necessity to salvage my mind and my relationship because I am hurting a wonderful woman that does not deserve this. Thank you for reading, have a learning journey everyone.