Day 1 in progress! Had a good streak going but messed up unfortunately. I'm feeling very confident now though! Let's do this together y'all!
Hello everyone, I hope you all are having a wonderful weekend. Today at 9PM my counter will hit 15 days. But technically since 14 days has passed already, I am very happy to declare that now I am a Hobbit. Strength to all. @RiseToGreatness Could I have a status update if you please honorable comrade
8 days clean. This is getting hard but I don't want to be where I was. I don't want to be the person I used to be. I want to be better and I am not willing to fail.
I'm back! Day 8. Unfortunately I've developed a stinking cold over the past few days... Buuuut that also means my libido is significantly diminished - even if I don't feel so good every other way staying PMO free should be easy going for a few days at least
Day 3. Tonight I had an erotic dream but today I haven´t got any urges or temptations. I have arranged my place of study and organiced my work´s plan. Some weeks ago I started studying new languages and now I´m aware of my defenses.I don´t want to watch P. I don´t want to M. I don´t want to relapsed. I want to be free. St. Teresa of Avila, doctor of the Church, pray for us!
Day 21! Just changed my goal to NO PM, from NO PMO. I started getting over my PIED and had successful sex last night, super pumped for that. Couldn't do it without your support guys, thank you so much for your advice and kind words. I wish you all the strength, patience & hope you need in order to succeed in this journey to freedom from PMO. Full recovery is possible and success is possible, and for everyone. I truly believe that. Peace brothers.
Unfortunately I have just relapsed. I am back to day zero again. I am going to try to get back on the horse again so it doesn't turn into another month long binge again.
Checking in for Day 11. Did some more careful traveling last week. I safely reconnected with old friends and went on a lot of walks. I started back at work today and received some somber news that my job might be in jeopardy. I felt pretty dejected earlier today about the possibility of being let go. I'm doing my best to remain positive and deal with this stress in healthier ways. Fortunately I have a solid support system with my family and this forum. Looking forward to reaching the 2 week mark.
Day 5 In 2.5 hours, I will be an Uruk-Hai again. I realize that despite not having masturbated in a week and a half, I have looked at pornographic images, and that despite not having a full release, I had been milking the dopamine by just looking at the images. Yesterday could have been another reset in my counter, and I could be on day 0 again, but a little while into looking at the images last night, I got incredibly bored. It was not entertaining or producing my “fix”, and so as I said last night, I watch a comedy sketch instead and that produced a much more pleasant effect and a better after taste than porn with or without masturbation would. My best friend asked me why someone would look at porn and not masturbate, and I think the reason is is that it still provides a “fix” even if not a full release. I hate porn, but at the same time, I am fascinated by it. I like that which makes me feel like crap. I like that which has ruined countless lives and relationships, but I don’t love it. I don’t love how I feel afterward. I don’t love that it has such an effect on me. I don’t love that no matter how far I get a way from it, it always catches up. But I learned a lot from my close call last night. I learned that comedy is more interesting than porn. And I learned from the post @MarioVargas shared that I am leading an unfulfilled life and that I cannot keep running from my urges because they will always find a way to catch up. Instead I need to turn and face them head on, with the resolve and fighting spirit of a Yuuzhan Vong warrior, not willing to accept defeat from technology and to instead embrace biology and the natural world. To deprogram my brain from dopamine, and fill my life with Life. I will live my life to the fullest, and while I anticipate trouble ahead, I can’t keep running. I need to address why I am experiencing urges in a given moment, and treat the factors contributing to it, instead of giving in to it. If I am craving dopamine, and it seems to be really tough to fix then I will watch some comedy and laugh until I no long am craving. Best, Mathman1994