Day 11 Didn’t even click that I’ve reached over ten days free! I’m glad to have made it this far, but the next few weeks may bring new challenges so I’ll be sure to keep my guard up.
had sex this morning and now insane cravings for porn. So I masturbated without porn to make the urges go away. Sorry fellowship but at least I didn't break my porn streak. I will try again tomorrow.
then another round, this time with porn. I would call it just a reset but actually I was already fantasizing about porn the last few times that I masturbated. Back to zero, back to the basics.
Day 12 Had a nap in the afternoon which brought up some temptation before I fell asleep; I’ve found a new strength to ignore this in recent days, and as such I was able to dismiss them fairly quickly. I admire your honesty brother, it’s always difficult when we relapse and have to reset, but I believe you’re on the path to freedom.
Day 0: Stepping onto Deathground When your army first sets foot onto the enemy shores the hearts of the soldiers are at first firmly stoked with duty bound discipline and fantasies of the conquest yet to come, the glory they believe is owed to them and by destiny will come their way. Once the realities of war and exploration set in however, it is a different story. When the shouts of battle deliver promises of death and maiming and long marches prove to deliver only exhaustion and bug bites the call of home echoes loudly in their minds; the comforts promised by the familiar tug at their hearts and kill their fighting spirit. The answer to this is deathground; burn the ships behind you leaving no escape route! You must vanquish the enemy or perish yourself! I recently came across this strategy in Robert Greene's "The 33 Strategies of War" and it got me to thinking whether or not it could be applied to my journey. I have a craving for something drastic this time around! My main problems are porn, masturbation and endless Youtube scrolling. The deathground strategy involves deliberately cutting off all escape options, leaving yourself with no option but to slice through the obstacle. When it comes to quitting porn, masturbation and Youtube one thing seems clear; the supposed safety of home is where all relapses take place (at least for me). I must burn my ship and venture into a wider world! I need time to further flesh out the details of how this segment of my life is going to look, but for now I decree that the internet is only to be used to update my status on this site once each night. I can also quickly check email after this check-in. At all other times the computer is to be kept away in the closet. I also decree that home is only for sleep, eating, checking in here and whatever household chores need to be done. This is not forever, but by staying away from home and by extension my computer I hope to starve out the neural pathways responsible for making me want to scroll endlessly and look at porn all the time.
0 days You decide to destroy the porn ring! You´re a Hobbit now. You must take the ring to the place where he was made, Mount Doom. You left Hobbiton heading for Bree.
Day 6. Feeling some temptation, but nothing too overwhelming. Being online comes with plenty of opportunities to get sucked into sexual content. Sucks that it is such a constant bombardment. Just need to get better about blocking it out though.
Day 6 Minor urges again but I think I am getting better at controlling them. Still nothing drastic though. The great battle is yet to come...
