Day 8 check in. I'm asking myself an important question and that is, what is it that has enabled me to be on nofap for 8 days? What is it that works and what did I discard that wasn't helpful in achieving my goals? I will answer those questions in my journal.
Day 12 Just over week before my first public exam, need to remove procrastination completely and just focus.
Recently I read a book of Nietzsche. What a thinker he was. Something radical I've learned from him and trying to take to heart is to negate nothing from existence, or remove nothing. Everything is interconnected into everything else, like the Force. When you negate something in your mind, when you simply want it gone, you are negating essentially all of existence. Why do I feel procrastination? I don't know that anyone fully gets rid of that feeling, but to learn a better way of interacting with it like a friend. I feel procrastination at times I think because I'm afraid of things spinning out of control, or worrying about things that I essentially don't have any control over, rather than focusing on what I can control and do.
Day 9 - The Force It's a beautiful thing seeing people learn self control. Not in a self denial way, but in a self affirmative way. Self control is about being director of your life instead of slave to your bodily appetites. “Only when you can be extremely pliable and soft can you be extremely hard and strong.”– Zen Proverb I like this Zen saying because it is talking about what self control is suppose to feel like.
Day 10 check in. I was feeling mentally energized in the first week of nofap but now I feel mentally placid. As if nothing is very interesting. That might be because my brain is going through the drop in dopamine and it will take a bit of time to come back to a natural equilibrium.
Day 11 checking in. I'm probably going through a phase of feeling very little in the reboot because my brain is rebalancing itself. Yesterday though I did a workout for an hour lifting weights and calisthenics. That seemed to help a lot. What my body and brain are missing, from what I was getting from pmo, is all of the pleasure producing chemicals in my body. So not doing pmo then means that it would help to feel pleasure in a different way, such as dopamine and serotonin from exercise. Specifically I think lifting heavy weights helps a lot. I also don't feel much ambition or drive to do anything right now, so I'll make up a list of things to do, otherwise I'll end up wasting my time on the internet or some other bad habit.
Day 12 check in. I have been having anxious thoughts which are triggers for pmo. But I am doing my best in calming those thoughts and to think more rationally. Usually the anxious thoughts are about things that I can't control, and thinking that I should be able to control it. All I can control are my choices, which means what I choose to do right now. If I were to believe and follow my fearful thoughts I would essentially put myself down into submission to fear. I would abdicate all of my capabilities and powers in order to live and think like a slave. I choose rather to do what I can, and to let the rest go. As the stoic philosopher Epictetus might say to me, those things are nothing because you can't control them. Just focus on what is in your control.
Day 13 check in. Nothing new to report. I have to be careful from thinking about pretty women because it's a trigger for me.