Good morning Fellas ! [Just check the end if you don't want to read the sexual fetish content] I'm not kidding anymore, until today i was escaping the fetish, not fighting it. Since today i will fight it for my freedom. I think this is a natural fetish linked to a lack of love or other. I was praying to God to be a porn-induced fetish but there is a lot of chance it's not a porn-induced one. So during all my childhood and my young years (10-11 to 23), i guess i have created my sexual way-to-go to have intimacy (and method to erase stress and to overcome my daily routine at the same time..). I was likely using a no porn-induced fetish to fill a lack of something (i was falling in love deeply every year, one girl per year, and i was staying in love with the same girl during 1 year, so it was deep need of love). For you information, i was in love, i've never received the love back. *****STOP TO READ NOW IF YOU ARE SENSITIVE WITH YOUR ADDICTION***** I was dreaming all the time that girls was fighting to have me or to be with me. I have never felt something wrong with my sex. I was at ease with my gender. I really like to be a man. But my brain is offering me something to feel better, and this "thing", i swear, it's a monster compared with the porn-induced problem. I thought the PMO addiction was a one step challenge. I was wrong guy. For me, it's a two steps fight. I'm on the road to reach my 76th days of no PMO. I'm feeling alive since 10 ten days. Before the mark from ten days ago, i had been good to deal with my desire to watch any kind of sexual content. Whereas during these few last days an oldest problem came back. The origin, the source, the beginning guys. My original sin. Think about From now, every time you feel alone, you want to be feminized It's like you have accepted this way to feel good like someone has accepted the way to feel good with a partner. You are feeling attraction for girls because of their feminine side. So if you have been trying deeply for years and you are not able to reach it ? If you have the gene of this no-porn-induced fetish, A new way to have a partner could be come to you (be feminized, you can't have the girl, so you become the girl, you can't reach the desire to be loved by the feminine side of a partner, so you become the feminine side) So my desire to wear women's clothes growed or be created (i don't really know). It began with the clothes of my mother and then stealing and wearing girl's dresses. I bought some on internet too. Climbing to the desire to be fucked. Then the desire to be domined and feminized by women. To be dressed as girly as possible, to be feminized as girly as possible, to be girly as girly as possible. So the desire to wear a chastity cage (to be under control, and to have only the possibility to orgasm like a girl, again about feminization) and to wear shapes (fake V*****, fake B****, to have the girliest form). Then the men's desire, to be forced to do somethings to a man. Because the girl force you to do. So again to be feminized. And the climb can continue.. to what ? 24 hours of hypnose and feminization to become a what ? a what ? a girly zombie ? seriously ? there is no limit then. I'm sorry but i need to put it clear to overcome my barrier. All my life i avoided this part of my life, but if i'm not clear i have no chance to beat the beast. I will read and visualize the next exercise (i'm going to create) every morning and every night. The Spartan Method - the hundred prestige Visualization with psychology help "You are at the border of a field, a field of war. You are a spartan, take your sword and your shield. Warrior, listen carefully, this is the way to escape hell. Here, there only is fire and torture, it could look like not above ground, but deep inside it's the case. If you stay here, you stay in HELL, if you move on, you are on the fight, and you sail between hell and heaven, you have a chance to reach HEAVEN." "If you are feeding voluntarily (you have 5 seconds to engage the fight and then you are not allowed to drop the fight, if you do, the enemy stab you and you know the sequel..) the thoughts of fetish by any sort of angle (even checking store of clothes, instagram of a friend or to try to fall unintentionally by scrolling on something related to your enemy (your fetish or sexual content), you die in the field and start again at the beginning, yes 0 prestige again" "I repeat Soldier ! Pick your sword, hold your shield ! Sword is read the method in the book You are not your brain and Shield is to visualize Enemy in approach ! Enemy in approach ! Hold this fucking book of self-love with your TWO hands like it's your shield, if you drop one hand you drop the shield, focus and do calculation in your head, the more you are focusing on calculation, the more you are fighting. The less you are focusing and the more you are letting the thoughts of the fetish come, the more the odds you have to die in the next minute. At the end of the attack, read the book during a few minute to heal the potential injuries" "Every day you stay alive in the field, you win a prestige. If you can reach prestige hundred, you will be strong enough to escape the field. You can win a prestige too every time you understand something new about the psychology of your enemy. This kind of prestige could worth 10 or 50 prestiges if you find the deep strategy of the enemy. Because you will be able to counter your enemy, know your enemy is the key." Mission one; read this when you fill the strong inside you go away or when you are not a the top of your shape and apply the strategy (+ use the book You are not your brain to increase your chance of survival and to be more at ease in the field) Mission two; seek help on psychological forum about my problem, or take one or two session with a therapist I'm feeling good now ! But i'm not sure it's enough, the problem is not about masturbation now, it's about my brain who is craving this fetish at an emotional level and not just a sexual level. What a bitch.. My whole life was motivated by my desire for Love, my depression came with this fail of reaching Love. I gave up to reach Love, then i found the depression.. So imagine all my life is lacking of sense now and if i want to find my motivation back with my desire to Love, i find back my fetish linked at the same time.. And i'm there now.. i find back my energy but i find back my old friend too.. Love on you guys, maybe some folks are in the same situation and have some advice for me. Beast_Art
If you really went that long without pmo but still like this fetish then maybe its not porn induced but you like it, like some guys genuinely like girls etc. I am not saying you should go and become a sissy or what's not but if you have a partner no one care what you do in your bedchamber. So my advice is read some study on crossdressing there are plenty of them around i hope you find your way.
Hia @Beast_Art, I want to say in the first instance that you come across as very self-aware and with a really good understanding of what is going on here at a deep level. The actual technical term for this stuff is Autogynephilia (or AGP) and it is something I also struggle with. Exactly these - I think this condition arises as a maladaptive coping strategy for continued rejection, or (in my case) made to feel worthless and unlovable by Cluster B parenting. One to make the best H.P. Lovecraft creation look like a cute kitten. Congratulations with this work Brother - it is long since I responded so I hope that you are a still on the track. It starts as a seed, we try on a pair of knickers/panties - get a kick out of it, then it develops from there. I can heartily recommend reading anything by Ray Blanchard (Who coined the term Autogynephilia or AGP) or this publication: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/22005209/ (Paste that link into sci-hub.se to get the full text) It's in the studies - that is called an "Erotic Target Location Error" - i.e. we become the object of our own desire. And this enemy is Cunning and Baffling for certain, and it lodges itself in very deep inside your skin and psyche - Blanchard posits it a one of the reasons that some people transition to opposite sex (but not the only reason). Thank you for the book recommendation, I will get this. This is key to the recovery - try this: https://www.reddit.com/r/askAGP/ If you find a good therapist to talk to about this, let me know! My story is somewhat similar to yours, and I have gone through the text book cycles of Purge,Regret,Obtain - with the Clothing. I purged all my clothing about 4/5 months ago - and now I am beginning a new cycle. Spoiler: Discusses my AGP fetish Over the last few days I have spent money that I don't really have on a new outfit. I got to the point of saying that it was "Only One Outfit" - but the costs is alot once you have bought Dress, Shoes, Stockings, Underwear etc. But I fell in love with this dress on eBay and couldn't stop thinking about it and today I ordered it. I have avoided MO these last 7 days or so, but occasionally looking at Fully-Clothed-Glamour-P. What will happen once I put on all my clothes is not difficult to predict. Financial problems can be caused by this addiction, because if you keep buying clothes, throwing them away, then buying them again - obviously that is wasting money. Can I manage it this time? Only time will tell. So yeah, you definitely are not alone with this stuff. It sounds that you have a good plan. I will follow your progress closely as our battles are the same.
Thank you for your reply, Brahmacharya ! My life is changing. I understand a lot of things know. I was in a state where i felt no escape from there. I'm not sure about my countdown but i'm going to reach 100 days soon (or i did, i didn't check). I don't count anymore ! I have a new count, it's a scale of prestige. There are grade for each ladder. It's real hard mode this time. I have not touched my dick since 100 days more or less. But now i count all arousing thing like a relapse. I reset the count every time i have a small relapse (visual relapse). Your brain want to search girls on instagram in the sense of the old addiction (2 seconds or more is a relapse). Your brain want to fall involuntarily on something or on internet to be aroused just a few seconds ? RELAPSE. I don't fight anymore. It's my new life dynamic or nothing. I accept the challenge of the life or i take a rest first and then accept the challenge of the life. Stop dream about girls plot, stop netflix and shit like that. Live your plot, live your life. I hold a dairy to share my thinking (in french, it's my language) on a psychological website. Meditation is my new way to live. Gratitude too. The process aim to grab my mind and to let him know that i want to live my life. Stop dream and go away. Be there and fight brother. I love you and i will let you know that you deserve a lot of things. I'm working on self-esteem and then self-confidence. Deep work is a new method to feel satisfaction. You need to take care of your emotion but at the same time to your need. Don't stop the machine. Happiness is in the action. Deep work without distraction can help your brain to catch the sense of the life (life in society and technology is the opposite of what i say). So i mix all this things to help my brain to be fed with the good things. Optimist. Learn to control and to correct your thinkings (positive plot instead of negative one). But the best one is the state of flow (deep work). You need to give sense to your brain. Don't forget the most important part. Read books, books on life or anything else. Learn to trust the universe. Somethings are sent not TO YOU but FOR YOU. Accept the challenge and learn lesson from things you find on your life (gratitude help for that). Bad things happen in your life ? It's for a reason, it's a lesson. And you can feel the Tops because there are the Downs ! Nothing bad or not cool happen in your life ? So nothing good or cool will happen too ! White exist because of black. Green exist because of red. Both is a good part of the life. It's a bad day today ? ok ! try to fight a little bit and then take a rest. Tomorrow will be different, or after tomorrow. Shafts are the nature of the life. Bad days will not be there all the time. Good days will not be there all the time. Try to enjoy all ! Use the power of habit to create a nice life. Do the hards work to have a easy life. Or deal with the easy work to have a hard life. My choice is done today. Love you brother. Time will be help too. 2 months per year of addiction.
