The fall and rise of the big chin

As i sit here i wonder what happened to me and why has it taken me so long to write this. so here it is - Relapsing was the best thing that could have happened to me. why? (Warning - this post is not to encourage relapsing)

A brief Introduction about myself -
I'm 22 years old, I'm from London, I joined NoFap at the start of this month (3rd of August) because after months of counselling (Not solely for my porn addiction) and several failed relationships. I was ready for a life without porn. but, I wasn't ready for everything that was to follow. I began my challenge like any other really happy to kick the addiction and create a new life for myself. so I set myself a easy 20 days challenge not to watch any porn, edging, masturbating just sex with my girlfriend. which i actually successfully completed. This has been one of my biggest personal achievement of my life - It's the longest i've ever gone without masturbating or porn. I was on top of the moon, my girlfriend could see the changes in me. Some parts she liked other parts not so much e.g. Withdrawal hit me really hard some times in the middle of the night. I would wake up shaking and my brain would shout at me - "masturbate, masturbate right now" But i didn't, I would hold her until I stopped shaking. I also experienced other common withdrawal symptoms, read more about them at http://yourbrainonporn.com/ and there other posts in Nofap on withdrawal and what you should expect.

Sunday 24th august: I relapsed and i relapsed hard (4 times) and then the shame, anger, frustration and the disappointment all hit me at once. I told my girlfriend after she came back from work and I saw the disappointment on her face but she didn't say anything. I actually cried that day (Real Men Cry). I relapsed because I gave into the pressure from withdrawal, a part of me enjoyed but it really wasn't worth it, the cost was too high. It's like having a itch that you can't touch, you can't put cream on it, you leave for a few weeks and then you finally scratch it. But it just starts bleeding, the pain afterwards is worse. I just couldn't stop myself. The guys that have experienced this will know what I'm talking about. It hurts when you relapse. So you guys that have are experiencing withdrawal, i know your pain and you're not alone. Remember it's ok fall, AS LONG AS YOU GET BACK ON THE HORSE, for the fact that your actually taking this challenge. You have my respect(my respect is only for those people that are seriously taking this challenge, if your not taking this seriously you certainly don't have my respect)

On the night of my relapse, i took some time to think about things, and I realised that before me and my girlfriend had never been closer until started helping kick my addiction, I finally to build up the confidence to fight this girl at my workplace who i hate, I also left my work place happier than i was when i started because the job was becoming unbearable, I started and finished reading a novel and i'm on my second novel and i've stopped playing video games. But the best gift my relapse gave me was that it affirmed to me that a real woman, will always beat some image or video of some girl on your screen who probably hates what she's doing and high on something just to numb the pain. I'm back on my challenge, currently 3 days in and loving it.

I hope this brings you some value, I hope to see more men, kicking this addiction. My thoughts and prayers goes to guys suffering from withdrawal.

Thank you.

 

Hi Dogwood, Thanks for the tips , much Love bro