The Benefits of Success

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by Fighter834, May 24, 2015.

  1. Fighter834

    Fighter834 Fapstronaut

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    I've posted about how I got to 90 days and the struggles along the way before. But I wanted to post something about the benefits of success along the way...as something to look forward to if you're early on in your journey. For me, a lot of the benefits came as a surprise and I've heard that from others as well. Once these positive feelings/interactions start coming, it helps to provide an extra layer of protection and encouragement against relapse.
    The first benefit that I noticed was feeling more rested. The middle of the night or early morning was a tough time for me when I was struggling and it was often when I would PMO. So, naturally I felt more rested once this stopped. I had trouble sleeping on a couple of occasions early on, likely related to withdrawals, but this went away after the first month. Now, I wake feeling rested. Everyone's circumstances will be different as to when they are most vulnerable, but expect to have more time to do things that really matter.
    I also noticed that I was actually more emotional which has helped with my marriage. I pay attention to my emotions now, rather than trying to bury them. Swallowing my emotions was a big vulnerability for me and when shit hit the fan, it was often because I wasn't dealing with some issues. I talk with my wife on a daily basis about what's eating at me and what's eating at her too. This has greatly improved our communication and our relationship.
    I have more confidence in myself than I had in the past. I'm a pretty successful person with my career so that's never been an issue for me, but my personal interactions with people have always had something missing. Now that I feel less ashamed of myself and I've given up the deceitful double-life that I was living, I feel more comfortable just being myself. I don't have anything to hide anymore so I feel better about myself.
    I'm still struggling to rebuild my wife's trust...this has actually been a bigger battle for me than giving up PMO. I've always wanted to give up PMO. It was no longer an option for me. My family and my marriage mean more to me than anything else. We have plenty of fights still about these issues but I see each fight as a 'hurdle' cleared on my way to rebuilding her trust in me. It's the only way I can make it through the pain/memories related to these fights. At least then I know it's progress towards recovery.
    Enjoy the positive benefits along the way, gentlemen. Reward yourself for your progress, and keep up the fight.
     
  2. revital

    revital Fapstronaut

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    Thank you so much for sharing benefits. It is definitely something to look forward to.
     
    Fighter834 likes this.
  3. PrevCDM

    PrevCDM Guest

    Very inspiring. Thank you.
     
    Fighter834 likes this.
  4. nomo

    nomo Fapstronaut

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    You said "Now that I feel less ashamed of myself and I've given up the deceitful double-life that I was living, I feel more comfortable just being myself. I don't have anything to hide anymore so I feel better about myself." This is a load of my shoulders also, I don't think many people can feel good while living a double-life. Especially if the double life is to cover for a embarrassing addiction.

    Best of luck to you, thanks for posting.
     
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  5. Saber_tooth7

    Saber_tooth7 Fapstronaut

    I always feel so happy to see people resolving their relationship issues, and reshaping their lives because of NoFap.
    So inspired.


    Keep it up Fighter :D
     
    Don the Ch, PotentLife and Fighter834 like this.
  6. tiro

    tiro Fapstronaut

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    thanks for sharing bro...
     
  7. Xander_

    Xander_ Distinguished Fapstronaut

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    Wishing you good luck with your marriage man, best of luck !
     
    Fighter834 likes this.
  8. jgreene123

    jgreene123 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for posting this. I'm in the same position with my wife. I can't seem to connect/feel anything any more and I know it's hurt her in the past and still does so I'm hoping my results will be the same as yours.

    It helps knowing I'm not the only one that has this same situation in their lives. Stay strong my friend.
     
  9. Fighter834

    Fighter834 Fapstronaut

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    This has definitely been the hardest part of this process for me. I hate seeing her hurt because of something I couldn't control. No more excuses...it had to stop. Nothing means more to me than my wife and son.There have been many fights along the way and they still continue. But I try to stay positive, not lose my temper (not always successful here), and just listen. Don't avoid your wife when she gets upset...just hear her out, pay attention, and let her talk through it. It really helps her but it hurts at the same time. Keep fightin!
     
  10. Ripley71

    Ripley71 Fapstronaut

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    I'm a bit in awe of you right now given that you're so far ahead and successfully beating this but I'm also worried that I can't face up to telling my partner about my PMO addiction. I feel I've made the choice to stop. I'm doing it and I'm determined but I haven't ever factored in confessing it all to him. ( I think he has a good idea anyway although he has no idea how bad or all consuming it became) I don't think my relationship would survive if I came clean and I'm not sure I could ever rebuild the trust. How did you know you'd both get through this? We've been together nearly 16 years and I cannot conceive if losing him.
     
  11. Fighter834

    Fighter834 Fapstronaut

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    I'm more in awe of you really. I didn't have the guts to fess up about my addiction to my wife, mostly for the same reasons you have I'm sure. She discovered it and I came clean at that time. Admitting something like this to the person you care most about is one of the most difficult things you will ever do. I will say this though, once you get the weight of the deception, lies, and secrets off of your shoulders it's very liberating. Unfortunately, it is balanced by the negative side that comes from seeing the hurt in your loved ones eyes. It's incredibly difficult to quit your addiction on your own. I owe a lot of my success to the ultimatums laid down by my wife if I couldn't get this thing under control and tame my demons. For me, failure is no longer an option. Most of the resources I've read say that you should expect to fail along the way and I support that but for me it's not an option. My family is in jeopardy and I'm not about to fail. I've had many failures trying to quit on my own over the past ~20 years of my life. Having someone close to you who you care about who knows about your struggle is, in my opinion, the only way to beat this thing. It's the only way I see long term success working for me.

    Coming clean to your partner is much better than them finding out about it...which is inevitable if you continue. The hurt, shame, and guilt that comes with that discovery is nothing to mess around with. If you come clean and show that youre dedicated to beating this, it at the very least shows that you care and are committed. I didn't have that benefit and now I'm struggling to rebuild the trust with my wife that I've lost. Don't betray that trust...it's incredibly difficult to earn it back.
     

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