Day 1 seems like it was just yesterday. And yet here I am, 36 days later, porn and masturbation free. If you had asked me at day 1 if I would have been able to make it to today, I''m honestly not sure I would have been able to answer with a; "yes." What a formidable undertaking this has been. I'm not sure words imbue an apt description of the magnitude of difficulty resident within the toils of overcoming a pornography addiction. The emotional ups and downs, elated happiness interrupted by heavy melancholy, infusions of confidence that are diluted with bouts of shame and low self-worth, anger that wrestles with confusion, the both of which swirl around with fear into a cacophonous cocktail of bitter elation. But oh, what benefits I have enjoyed thus far! And the benefits absolutely outweigh the difficulties and consequences. I do feel much more consistently confident. When I am with my girlfriend, or around girls in general. I am empowered with feelings of masculinity, and the desire to treat them respectfully. And I do! No longer present is the habitual and strong desires toward wanting to sexualize women. There are still temptations and urges. But they are not nearly as potent, and certainly a much different animal altogether. My girlfriend has mentioned many times the changes she is seeing with us, and how I am treating her better, and am investing in her more, and focusing on her more intentionally. I can focus better on things, and am empowered to be more productive and efficient in my life. My time management is better, and the activities that I am participating in are healthier. (Less time on social media, Facebook, watching videos, staying up late, etc.) I am on day 36 of a 60-day challenge, and just "seemingly" yesterday was on day 1 of a 30-day. I am going to keep pushing forward because I know the sky is the limit for me. The world is my oyster, and I am going to grab the bull by the horns.
