The beginning of the end

Once again the tempest of lust overtook me yesterday, Every fibre of my being knew its wrong,but all I could say is what's the point of life,if something this enjoyable (that being PMO ),watching women so desirable most beyond my reach being ravished by men in a way I was afraid not capable,(physically and mentally due to a lack of game )cannot be accessed,whats the point of denying oneself such pleasure. I always ensure I do not climax so that am still in a haze and i can head to the street walkers,call girls basically I call them banshees,stealing my essence. Well the CD broke and my heart sank,but i was in the heat of the moment so i wore another and carried on. Only after climax did I regain my senses,maybe am going insane. So just left a clinic to get tested for HIV and get prophylaxis for the same,have to take the meds for 28 days. Its really low and am convinced this will be the last time. But in the back of my conscious,I fear I'll be overtaken again in a few months and find myself in the same scenario. Its like being in a loop. Carl Jung talked of the shadow, I am determined to meet mine,expose it,tame it and if it doesn't yield kill it.

 

What plan would you suggest or think would be most effective,which has worked for most. Plan one was entering into such a forum. I think at least revealing this struggle serves as a catharsis. I had never detailed or told anyone before.