Greeting my fellow companions on the "Road Less Fapped". I seem to have one stumbling block, it manifests like this. When I've had a good day, and I've been immersed in other activities, meaningful ones, my wife goes to bed and I just head up after her, read, talk, whatever, and it was a good day. When it's not good, I feel like I've been resisting PMO all day, fighting it, engaged in it and weary from resisting, worn down, and about 9:00pm I can feel my mind start to undermine my own best intentions. In the place where I make my decisions, I can feel the wrong decision formulating. I'm going to make up my mind that I need to fap, and then just wait for my wife to go to bed so I can start. Occasionally if I have this mental fatigue in bed, then I'll wait for the morning and rub one out when she's gone before I go to work. It's not the same mental mechanism as reaching toward the computer browser and not finding the strength to change my mind, it's making up my mind long before I physically "live the choice" out to fail. The battle of the mind has been lost, the surrender of the penis is just a foregone conclusion. I've got lots of tools, tools that work to get up from the computer and get my mind temporarily off of it, but no tool to REVERSE a bad decision once it's been made, but not implemented. My bad decisions feel inevitable. How do you retract a bad decision before it's too late if you feel like you've been doing that all day and you're worn down? (I'm going to post this in the addiction thread as well in case some people only hang out over there - feel free to comment on either one or both).
Yes I can relate to this. We all enjoy that feeling from fapping but what we are doing is "exchanging our short term happiness for long term benefit" (Dalai Lama). When we commit 100% to give up fully with not even edging and see the results there is no decision about turning back as the benefits are incredible - More energy, happiness and productivity. The pleasure seems like very important now but when you stop its significance disappears. The problem is that when we do it it becomes a habit and has its consequences. The process is to move pass desire and into a deeper wonderful connection.
I had a set pattern to my PMO'ing before I broke the habit. It was the same with cigarettes, before I quit them. (Geez, I'm such a quitter. HA!) I'd smoke when something went right and I'd smoke when something went wrong. Perhaps on those days when you're spent and worn down is the time you should seek out your wife to have that conversation too. I find that my wife is there for both the good and the not so good. Instead of allowing the thought to pull you toward the computer and pleasuring yourself, set up a pattern to seek out the best distraction you can find... that lady in bed next to you. Just a thought. *B49*
Lots that I can relate to here @Dr. J "I can feel my mind start to undermine my own best intentions. In the place where I make my decisions, I can feel the wrong decision formulating" This describes it exactly and rather poetically! It's almost like your mind is making a decision that you're not comfortable with on a conscius level and this leads to "The battle of the mind has been lost, the surrender of the penis is just a foregone conclusion." But @DannyCool is right with his quote from the Dalai Lama.
Yeah similar thing here. There is a whining weasel in our minds that nags at the fortress of our resolve till it collapses of it's own weight like a sand castle in the tide. In my case this is the exact same mental mechanism that keeps me from exercising, or eating right, or cutting corners at work etc. etc.. It's the apathetic teenager in us not caring or believing in anything beyond pleasure and thrills and it will be going through the motions and gumming up the works for the rest of your life if we don't do something about it. So I find becoming more aware of this inner process helps quite a bit. In your case you may have an advantage because it's linked to a set routine (in my case it creeps over me like bad weather and before I realize it I'm caught out in the rain). So besides becoming more aware of the process you should just plan to break that routine. Switch it up: work out and take a cold shower before going to bed. It's not the orthodox approved time to exercise but works fine for me, I sleep better that way. Even if you have no equipment at home: do push up and sit ups, or some other no-equipment workout, there are some pretty cool ones out there. You'll probably have a stronger temptation to not do that rather than relaxing and fapping. But it is a positive action you can take, and once you push through the initial resistance of doing it it is easier to keep on doing it (and I have yet to fight a PMO urge on the treadmill ). And here's the thing: if you knock down your resistance to break that pre-fap routine you will find yourself in a stronger place to not give into fapping. Just be sure that the activity you pick to break the routine is mindless. Your mind needs to relax, so let it, but do it in a safe controlled way: in my case in the evenings is on the treadmill and in the mornings is on the floor doing pushups or walking the dog.
