The 90+ Day Journey Goodbye Porn Addiction Hello Better Life!

Today is the day where I start fresh.
I have tried numerous times to refrain from PMO but every time I have failed.
Its a sad and sick feeling to not be able to kick such a terrible habit. From a young age Ive always PMO'd without knowing the affects it had on me, there would be some times I would do it multiple times in a day. Looking back now I feel that when watching P I felt like the girls I was looking at were girls I would never be able to get with in life. I had no self confidence and low self esteem. I'd look in the mirror and see myself as ugly and having no chance with girls and people told me I was ugly. By watching P it felt like it would be my only shot at having "sex" with women. Now here I am after having multiple chances with beautiful women who I could of had sex with but being screwed over by PIED. Women that numerous guys have tried and always failed to get with and here they are wanting to get with me or have something with me. But the PIED always got in the way. The embarrassment of denying them when the moment came where we were about to have sex and not having an excuse why or making up a dumb excuse like I was too drunk. ( they now think im probably gay but oh well haha) At first I didn't know what was wrong but after research and stumbling upon this website I learned I wasn't alone in this and that porn was the problem. So I started to abstain from P and M but only making it a little more than a week and always failing. It's like I'm 2 different people at times. Resisting the urge to PMO my mind always makes up some excuse to accept that it's okay to do it or to do it "one last times" when I've already had too many "one last times" then after the O almost immedietely the disgust of what just happened takes over and the sadness that I gave in and I tell myself never again and reset my counter only to repeat the same cycle. But tonight is the last time I fail. I'm tired of the feeling of the disgust and sadness that I've been knocked down once again by this terrible drug. I want my life back, I'm done being controlled and ruined by porn. No matter how many times you have been knocked down there is always the chance to stand back up. Only you can keep yourself from succeeding and staying down. Tomorrow I will start to post daily and day 1 of my journey to a better life. I feel by posting daily it will help me stay on track on this journey. Although down the road if i am able to I'm not sure if I will refrain from O completely in terms of having sex as it is sex which is natural but thats even if im able to achieve E as PIED has taken over. But under no circumstance definitely no M and absolutely no P! I'm looking to and will pass 90 days without it and will go further from there. I'm excited to look back at this post at day 90 and see how much has changed and to feel proud that I have succeeded. I hope others who are tired of this terrible drug and who are tired of being controlled by porn and over masturbation will join me as well I know I am not alone in this and others share similar stories. Feel free to post updates daily on your journey and stories as well. When you fall stand back up and keep fighting. Never end the fight.

 

I hope to see only positivity and I know we can and will all be happier with a life without porn. Feel free to post any advice as well!

 

That is true but you have to keep pushing through if you want to get better and the only way and that is to stay away from porn.

 

Day 1: At the end of day one so far it has been easy but sadly I say that every time. Has been a long day at school and I'm finally able to go to the gym and relax. The gym is always a good stress relief and is good alternative to go to when the temptations arrive. I wish every day was as easy as day 1s are for me. On to the next!

 

Day 2: Didnt have time to post on day 2 but it went well no temptations. Im looking foward to later down the road when the challenge really begins and I won't let myself down again.

 

Day 3: End of day 3 and so far so good. It was a long and tiring day but I had a great gym session which always helps with stress relief. When the stress comes more temptations come. It's always good to have an alternative to help with the temptations of relapse whether it be meditation, running, or even reading a damn book anything to get your mind off the fact of giving into the temptations. I'm feeling great and have a good feeling for this run. So far still going on strong now onto day 4!

 

Day 4: Late post but day 4 went well. Some slight thoughts and temptations but I was able to get my mind off it. As the days go on the tougher the journey gets and the I know the challenge has just begun but I have the strength to keep going and that when I make it a habit and get past the early days it will become easier to control my mind and keep going because the further you the less reason there is to go back.

 

Day 5: Time to do some catching up.. the challenge really started and the temptations really came on. It was another mental battle of me just standing and thinking with myself. Its scary to know that you can have this goal set and mindset and when the temptations come on theres another piece of your mind that tells you to give in. Luckily I fought threw and was able to distract myself. I really think this is the run where i complete my goal.

 

Day 6: Relatively easy day and unlike the day before where the temptations really came on today they were almost completely gone. Maybe a few thoughts here n there but today was definitely a flatline stage if im using the term correctly and was nearly completely uninterested in anything sexual. Crazy that the day before it was the complete opposite and tough and the next not really at all.

 

Man I'm so dissapointed in myself. I really thought this was the run.. i told myself I wouldnt get my hopes up.. but i felt i was really going strong and in an instant i fell short once again and I don't know how it happened its just like it took control in an instant I dont know how to explain it but it just happened.. Man I'm just so tired of all this.. by doing these day by day posts I dont even know if anyones following along and if not thats okay. But i felt doing these posts even if there was nobody following along I truly felt like I had people cheering me on and not to let them and myself down. To see me and read these and say hey if he can do it so can I.. but once again I have failed. I don't know if this will end or if ill ever make it through this journey but i am truly done with this shit. I don't know what to do anymore. I can stand back up and try again but I feel it is pointless and I will fail once again. I guess we will have to see..