the 40 year old virgin

Hi everybody, I'd like to introduce myself to this community.
Sadly..the thread title is basically true... The recent event of getting dumped by my for 3 months gf made me take a deep hard (no pun intended lol) look on myself. Being raised as a shy, introvert guy with average looks I always had (still do but in a lesser degree) trouble approaching a girl. This of course, along with some very unlucky coincidences when trying to meet girls or just failing to see their occasional signs, was a recipe for disaster. The difficulty in hooking up along with work related anxiety resulted on me heavily turning to masturbation as relief, using back then magazines or a few dvd's. Through the years I tried to better myself through reading books, guides etc and a bit before I reached my 30's I had already managed in two occasions where I managed to get close enough, to not have a full sexual contact because of ED, which I blamed on performance anxiety and not liking the girls enough. Internet porn didn't come into play until a later time and as it combined with some more failed attempts to hook up, drove me to psychologically retire from the "game" and not actively pursue a relationship to spare myself the heartache. After about 5 yrs of this (and a couple more failed attempts of course) came 2019 when, via some mutual friends, I met this girl and I thought to myself that maybe she would be the one. I liked her and she always complimented me on numerous occasions when she talking to our friends but.... As you can all guess, her patience dwindled out and after a while, she ended our relationship and the main reason was my ED which botched every single try we had at it.
So now I'm in perhaps the worst position I've ever been in my life. Having to face a multitude of problems; the heartache from the breakup (she backed out of her statements that we'll go through this together plus she picked a really bad way to end it), the guilt of causing a breakup with a girl I maybe was staring to fall for, having to face my ED problem, raging about all the mistakes I had done and about the choices I had made that were causing damage to me in my life even though I couldn't have known back then. I am fighting my way through all of these but I still can't stomach how no matter how I've been trying to better myself and finally meet this goal, something always will appear in my way. Paolo Coelho and his fans should really go though internet fora like this and think twice before saying that "...universe conspires in helping you..." crap.
It is not only by pure luck (as you can tell English isn't my native language) that while I was googling possible solutions to my problem, I accidentally stumbled upon the PIED - masturbation problem which colluded with my performance anxiety to sabotage my sex life all these years and results in me having to fight my way through this s**tstorm in such a late age. Reading two relative to this subject books gave me a string of hope to get a hold of from and then and there I made the decision to noFap, some 20 days ago but still this is the start of this journey. Probably wouldn't be here without the support from some friends of mine (yeah those crazy thoughts crossed my mind too several times) so I look forward to give and get help and support from you guys.
This sums it up I guess, this may came up too long - sorry. Nice meeting ya.

 

Thanks for the welcoming. Almost gone through the breakup stress, yet my mind still is tortured by the fact that she valued penetrational sex above the many attributes she said she found attractive on me. More of my luck I guess.