Take off your mask.

Hello everyone,

when i first started nofap i didnt really inform myself that much, of course i knew about the benefits and the flatlines, i knew that relapsing would be a part of the process and that not giving up and pushing on, getting back up and kick the addiction in its ass over and over again is part of the whole thing, so i kinda went with the flow, relapsed many times and had an awful, merciless struggle with my inner self.

today i believe that this struggle is really a good thing and i am sure that many of you bros out there who had/are having the same experience as me can agree. from todays perspective i just cant imagine that i would have ever learned all these things that i learned if i never actually tasted the bitter defeat called relapse. and i mean every single one of these relapses, even these nasty ones where you relapse after a streak record and then relapse 3 times in a row just to feel like absolute shit in the end.

So you're lying in your bed, putting your phone aside and you know how it is, at the end of the day you only have 2 choices. You can give up. Yeah thats an option. No one forces you to do this, you can just stick with it, just as you did all those years. Go ahead and dont care anymore. And just as these thoughts flow through your head, just as you start thinking about "what if ... i cant do it ?"... you feel some sort of resistance, you know what im talking about ? that kinda feeling that tells you "wait man...wait. you started this, right ? you started this journey and you knew what comes along with it. that pain, that suffering, that struggle, that is exactly what you came for. go ahead and give up and regret it for the rest of your life...

OR MAN THE FUCK UP.

and then you go again, get out of bed, work out, eat well, take care of your life and you think about what you do different this time , how you could improve, you read and learn more about nofap and as you do, you get closer to the community (and to everyone who 's been a loner on his journey just as i was for a long time, i strongly recommend you to join a forum or in general find some people who are also on this wonderful journey).

So here's what i noticed when i made that experience over and over again, relapsing, getting back up, trying again:

Everytime i reached the end of the first week i started to have long intense conversation with myself. I literally talked to myself in a quiet voice or let my thoughts do the talking if someone was around. I talked about what i would like to say to certain people in certain situations, people who piss me off, things i dont like , about stuff that i was angry about , my life, the past, the future, and so on it goes. i couldnt stop, it just happened , i couldnt take a shit without having these talks.
And then, when i eventually relapsed, it was quiet. No more talking, just more guilt and shame and then the will to get back up again.

So then i decided to try something out. I was thinking about these things that popped up in my head after ive reached a week. Basically these thoughts are combined with surpressed feelings and unprocessed experiences i made. You know, back in the days when something bad happened and you numbed yourself with PMO, drugs, alcohol, videogames, whatever took your mind of that problem you had. Everytime something happened and you escaped reality someway...you didnt lose those negative emotions. you just pushed them waaaay down your subconcious mind , covered them with a mask , a mask that made you feel better but had a huge price: your soul, your mind, and your self.

To me, being on nofap means turning around, stop running away from all that shit that PMO dragged you into. For me, that turning around process took aboud a week (thats when the thoughs started to flow through my head), so ...
after turning around you can look the addiction right in its fucking eyes...and thats the moment of truth. it will knock you off your feet if youre not ready. It will knock you off your feet over and over again as long as you didnt truly make the decision to draw your sword, put up your shield, FACE that demon and say...

"I am ready. Hit me with all you've got."

You accept the pain, you TAKE it with joy and embrace it, all those feelings and emotions that return to you to break you...you smile at them, willingly open your arms for them and let them rise bigger and bigger until they burst out of you. That is the moment , the TRUE moment of transformation. No more being a pussy, no more holding back and regretting...You've got something to say ? Trust me , you'll say it. You wont even think about it twice , you WILL take action.

It changed my relationships with parents and friends in a good way, big time. They notice that you become true, sincere and so deeply honest , people will respect that and you will notice the ones who havent reached that point of enlightment yet.

you will develop that sixth sense, im trying to put this into words right now but the best way to say it would be "you can FEEL people". When someones talking to you and they have some sort of bad intention - you can literally feel the lies and dishonesty radiating from that person. When youre having a good time with someone you will feel connected and just pure joy, i believe that this is what makes you so charismatic and also attractive - that pure expression and honesty coming from you, no more hiding behind a mask. it is confident and sexy my friends, guys will respect you and girls will enjoy being around you.

And you know what ? That PMO thing that used to turn every aspecet of your life into shit ? Its on his knees, begging, whining, trying all it can to somehow get a grip on you again to drag you down. This will be the time my friend. This is THE time to take off your mask once and for all...to , for one last time, look the addiction in its pathetic eyes...

And let it go. As you smile and drop your sword and shield, every last bit of anger, frustration and negativity will vanish. For you there is no demon anymore, you defeated it.

So guys, especially if your journey has just begun, be ready for all those surpressed emotions, it is your chance to let them out of you, try to feel glad in someway as soon as you have a flatline cause thats when you really get stronger.

Please feel free to talk about your experience, i learned that different people might have different point of views when it comes to specific areas of this journey. Let us care and share, we are different people but we face the same demons - let us face them together. Stay strong my brothers.