Oh, shit. My heart is pounding like hell. I was scrolling through a forum and saw something extremely triggering and I was stunned for a couple of seconds with my mouth open and then suddenly closed the site and my laptop. It really came out of the blue, because my mind was involved in other business and then BAM! Now I think I'm safe, but the urges are now tenfold. I know that there was a huge blast of dopamine released in my system. I can feel it. How much does this set me back in my recovery? I'm afraid the urges are gonna be hard as hell for the next couple of days.
"How much does this set me back in my recovery?" Zero. There are 2 types of trigger inducing web pages: Those you stumble onto, and those you jump into. You were in the former.
It does NOT set you back This is something you couldn't control, there's nothing you can do. It will set you back if you relapse to it though.
Trust yourself at some deep level. A lot of addiction treatment nowadays is about not trusting yourself and turning yourself over to a higher power, and stuff like that, and that is okay for some time. I think though that in the state of intense of panic where you are worried whether you will relapse or not, you have your greatest opportunity. Never mind running from that part of your mind that wants porn. Instead, there is a part of your mind that wants to be powerful, that wants to go after higher, intellectual pursuits. How about you start to visualize what you feel like when you're absolutely porn free and balanced as an individual? Have you ever visualized the lifestyle in detail? How would you spend your day from morning to evening? A lot of us nofapsters spend a lot of time running from fap, but what are we running towards?
When you say no to something, and make that something the center of your entire life, you invariably set yourself up for a relapse. Now don't get me wrong, you must say no to fap. But that is only the beginning. Avoiding fap means that there is a vacuum in our lives, and we must find something to fill that vacuum with. I believe we should actively contemplate the life conditions that we want to live when faced with that vacuum, and do whatever it takes to go through such a contemplation. If you find the urge to fap really strong, see whether you can transfer that emotion to your fantasy life. Imagine stepping outside your present PMO mindset, and being in the body and mind of someone who is incredibly strong and never faps. How would such a person view the PMO?
I think these are the the two statements that separate those who succeed and those who fail. Just running away from PMO will mean you fail. You need to replace bad habits with something else, which means a lifestyle change. "To break a habit, you must make a habit." Use the opportunities you are given to do this.
Thanks Geoff - yup; for me each time the panic hits, I am reminding myself that it's my mind acting out old habits, and allowing myself to be comfortable with discomfort. This is proving to be a valuable new friend, discomfort. I am okay not being comfortable, and this means I can actually achieve stuff.
2 weeks in the bag! I am really happy for you, especially the way you got past the unexpected, unsolicited trigger yesterday. Just keep doing what you are going NotAfraid
