I am married for 10 years with 3…soon 4 kids. I have tried to be a caring selfless lover and always be available to respond to her requests. Our sex life has not developed into a mutually satisfactory experience. What I mean by this is that she rarely wants sex for herself and she provides duty sex. I am very grateful for the action she gives but I don’t like to take and not provide for her. Over these years I have materbated behind her back and dabbled in porn. I have stopped self stimulating to the point of cumming as i confessed to her a year ago and committed to stop. Now I struggle a lot with fantasies and self-stimulating (short of release) and I also occasionally find myself dabbling back into porn. I’d like to feel like I am in control of this area of my life. I feel like I am an easy push over when my wife and I have relational stress. Does anyone have helpful tips or ideas for me?
Stop watching porn. Talk to your wife about it. You’ve been married with almost four kids in 10 years of marriage. That’s pretty damn busy for Mom, so no wonder she hasn’t been in the mood. Are you helping out? Giving her a day where she can relax w/o kids bugging her? Taken her on dates? Massaged her feet/back/shoulders? Taken care of her? An exhausted wife is not thinking about sex.
Ok? Having sex while raising 4 kids is tough. Start talking to your wife. What does she want? Does she know what you want? I am not the guy who should give you advice. But maybe the two of you want to talk about it with a third party? (a specialist). To be honest, I am grateful I can talk to my wife about my fantasies. And she tells me hers. Talk to her and be honest. I wish you all the best...
