Strange fantasies

I've been free from porn for over 160 days now. Ever since I first decided to quit, I never relapsed. I've also done a 90-day reboot - and succeeded in it without major slip-ups on my first try.

For most of my journey, I haven't fantasized about porn too much - most of my sexual fantasies are about having sex. For the first few months of recovery, I was certain that I could quit porn without a single slip-up or relapse. However, in the last few days, I started having really strange porn-related fantasies.

In particular, I've found myself fantasizing for many minutes at a time about jailbreaking ChatGPT and having it write erotica for me. (I've never done this before and have only read erotica two or three times in my entire life.)

Spoiler: Trigger warning, offensive content

In particular, my fantasy is about having ChatGPT write a story about a young masochistic virgin elf girl being seduced and ***** by a sadistic dragon.

I hate having this fantasy, and I wish it could stop.

A few months before I decided to quit porn, I discovered online porn games and could spend hours playing them, reaching O over and over again as I did so (before then I could only O once per day with ordinary hardcore internet porn). The games provided a constant sense of novelty, due to gradually introducing the player to more and more repulsive and revolting sexual material (forcing the player to play for hours, before "unlocking" the ability to act on certain fetishes).

Spoiler: Trigger warning, offensive content

Most of them involved very sadistic sex scenes, including some with female characters that, according to the game, were "technically" adults, but appeared much younger. Many of the sex scenes in these games also included things like bestiality and incest. The two games I played the most were one game where the user plays from the perspective of a dragon who kidnaps and has sex with women from different medieval villages, and one where the user plays from the perspective of a father who gradually seduces and ***** his own sister and his daughters (the daughters are "officially" stated to be 18 in the default setting but looked MUCH younger in the game. In fact, the game even let you toggle the ages of the youngest girls at the beginning of the game, and the player had the option to make them much younger than 18).

These games were so repulsive to me that the shame I felt from playing made me want to quit hardcore porn games and hardcore porn and only use softcore porn. I tried, unsuccessfully for many months to restrict myself to softcore porn only, to no effect. I would always keep coming back to the repulsive porn games after a few weeks or months. It was only after I learned about what escalation was, and made the choice to quit ALL porn that I finally stopped playing these awful online games.

I needed to get this off my chest. Thank you.

 

I did a 97 day streak of no P, M, or O, then for 30 days, I did MO for once a week, and now I'm again on a no P, M, or O streak. I'll continue on this "hard mode" streak until I lose my virginity (which, all things considered, I don't know how soon it will happen, if at all).

Owing to the fact that I haven't watched porn in so long, all of my porn fantasies went away, until very very recently, which is what I find strange.

 

Yeah, hopefully I won't be a virgin for much longer. A year ago, I was really bad at talking to girls, but since the start of this semester, I've been practicing and have been getting better. I've had dates with 4 different girls this semester, and a fifth one tentatively agreed to go on a date after Thanksgiving break. I didn't get anywhere with the first four, but you know what they say - the fifth time's the charm.