Still miss her after 9 years! :-(

DYS1994 · Apr 10, 2016

xSolidSnake86 said: ↑

@DevinYS This turns out to be a long ass post, so be prepared lol.

I didn’t talk to her on the road trip about her ex harassing her. I felt that it wasn’t my place, as it was only less than a week that we’ve been together. If there’s one thing I know, it’s that girls hate petty control/anger issues in men from the get-go. Besides, I feel that why should I even have to do or say anything, common sense should tell her to leave her shit in the toilet. Don’t drag your baggage into the new relationship, it’s not fair to the new guy that has to pick that stuff up to lighten her load just so to show her that he’s polite. My point is that it’s baggage that didn’t need to be there... she allowed it to be there for whatever reason. That’s the kind of stuff that you clean up on your own when you have time. Mute the phone, cancel it, later when she’s with her friend on a bathroom break or whatever, call him back and say whatever.

She was notorious with me for playing mind-games like that, instead of just being straight forward. Another time she dumped me just for this: I answered my cousins text twice infront of her while we were together in the car within the space of a minute, because he needed me but I was telling him that I’m busy (I told her that “just let me quickly text him back that I’m busy because he doesn’t know” etc, she was cool). But little did I know, she was mad. She got a call from a friend a few minutes after, and she stayed on the phone to him for I kid you not, 25 minutes, on purpose, inorder to prove some kind of point. I stayed sitting there like a doofus the whole time, it was 6pm then, after her call I told her that I gotta go (as my ill mother is looking after my niece). It meant that I have to go, so I’ll drop you off. But no, as I said that “I have to go”, she got out the car angrily threw my jacket back at me, said “we’re over” and slammed the door. She wouldn’t get back in the, so I had to just go then.

Later when we spoke, she said that I kicked her out the car and then abandoned her (I clearly did not, nor did I imply that she “get out”. My implication was more than clear that I’ll take her home now as I have to go). But nope she wasn’t having it, I was wrong, she was right, so as usual I apologized sincerely. The phone call, she said that I made her second priority to my cousin while it was our quality time together. So to show me how she felt, she had to give me the taste of my own medicine by being on the phone for a long time, so that I will actually “learn”, as opposed to just straight out telling me how she felt, which would not make me “learn” as she put it. She always used to find / fabricate buttons in me to intentionally push, to see how I react, just so she can point her finger at me to prove that I am indeed a scumbag. There were countless more times of things like that, I could write a whole book about, but I won’t bore you guys about her childish stories anymore.

The part about her aunt, I don’t know how I could’ve said anything to hurt her. Her aunt I were talking about careers, hobbies, I was trying to make her laugh at times with silly jokes her aunt was laughing alot, while she was just sitting there looking at us banter. I think it was something more to do between those two personally, but she took it out on me, because why not right? That’s what I’m there for!

And I see your point about the other stuff. I’m not saying that I’m an innocent saint at all. I’m saying I was wrong myself many times in the relationship. But everytime I always sincerely tried to make up for it, acknowledge what i did, apologize for it, take responsibly for it, and to continually work on repairs from there-on-out. She never did any of those, EVER.

I remember, one time in the relationship, I told her that she mistreats me etc pointing out examples, she would respond with “why don’t you just end this then if I’m such a bad girlfriend”? I’d answer with, “because you mean more to me than that, I didn’t cuff you just to break up over miniscule matters than can easily be worked on together”. And that her response is also another reason, that if I slip on a banana peel, you’d just dump me without thinking twice? “What if we were married, you’d divorce me over such things”? She said, “but we aren’t married. And yes I’d dump you for being a dick, or if you disrespect me etc”.

And you’re 100% right, I guess that subconsciously I’m holding onto her because that’s all of her that remains, and by doing so she’ll somehow know and be mine again. It’s sad as fuck I know. I’d love to be done with her forever and find someone else. But my life is in ruins, I can’t be what I need to be for someone else, no matter how desperate I am. I’m unemployed, no job skills, no money, need dental work, need to save up £10,000 for a private operation on correcting my congenital penile curvature, need secure income and a car etc. The unemployed and no money part would be acceptable if I were in my late teens and early 20s, but not at 29 man. There’s millions of other guys to choose from who have it all together, and aren’t PMO addicts.

And I’m really sorry about your dilemma, I can imagine what it can be like in your situation. But tbh, you don’t love him, you honestly don’t, trust me, you don’t! Your emotions are so intense, that it’s a type of “high”, making you think that you’re seeing/feeling something that is otherwise not real. That’s what a crush is. You have a real deep crush on this person. The desire of wanting something that you can’t have, which just so happens to be so close, yet so far, can run havoc on ones emotions. “Love”, is something very different, but can only be identified as something different once you’ve experienced both “love” and “crushing”. However though, believe me when I tell you, that you’ll be free of him one day, if it doesn’t go any further than just “crushing” that is.

In school, college, uni, work place, crushing is universally intensified because that person is infront of you everyday getting on with their business with their perfect selves, in their perfect skin, with their perfect movements and facial expressions, their perfect voice and clothes etc. Then you take those same things home with you multiplying them 10 fold with more thoughts/fantasies of them etc. I’ve had many crushes in my teens, one crush lasted for 2 years, but it dies hard and fast when there’s a new crush/possibility around. I look back on those girls I crushed on, and I’m like “dayum that’s crazy how I was crazy about them”. I really thought that I “loved” them. But no, I loved the idea of loving them, the perfect image of them that I’ve created of them in my head, and indeed they are/seem perfect, I’d do anything for them etc.

Love however, happens when you’ve seen the good, the bad, the beauty, the ugliness, the fairness, the unfairness, the beautiful scent, the ugly stench, the right doing, the wrong doing. genuinely caring for the others’ wellbeing like health, wealth, dreams/ambitions etc. Helping them in their hardships, supporting them. Going to them and using their shoulder when you’re in need etc. Thinking about them 24/7 of the now, and the future, such as having a family, building a home, following professional dreams alongside one another, growing old together, looking back, and loving every good and bad moment without wanting to change a thing. Caring about their family problems, about their family members as if they are yours (even if they’re douchbags). The true desire to want to be there for them in every way possible.

When you have eyes for no other, as no other exists, only that “one” exists. When you know you’d reject 20 of the hottest offering themselves to you, because that “one” is worth infinitely more. When you’re offered the worlds’ fortune to be without that “one”, even if it’s for a day, you’d refuse because that “one” is worth more than the whole universe! When you “dig” their awkward sense of humour, finding them hilarious even though you know that it wasn’t actually funny, but you do find it funny. When you get frustrated with them over the smallest of things, and sometimes want to bitchslap them for no reason, yet you know you’d give your left nut just to put a smile on their face even if that smile lasts for only a second. When you love them on their worst day, even if their worst day lasts for weeks/months/years (can even be because of genuine clinical depression they have). When you’ve smelled their farts/shits, yet you still think they smell of roses. When you’d clean up after them willingly because they can’t or won’t. When you go out of your way to be there for them, and even put yourself at risk whatever the kind inorder to help them. When you still love them after they’ve hurt you so much, so many times, even if it was intentional, even if they’ve stole from you.

Only when all/most of the above are part of you and them, only then you can say that it’s “love”. But hey maybe it is love, who really knows what love really is anyway? Its definition changes for everyone. My point is, don’t worry bro, there’ll literally be many more where he came from.
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Thank you , thank you, thank you. You helped me more than I helped you. You helped me to understand about love more than what I know and I think I'll post this on my Facebook wall and every place I could get my hands on. We have teenage moms, single moms, girls and guys who give everything they have including their own virginity to someone that didn't love them back because they didn't know this when they were young. I want every teen to read and understand what you have written here. This reply is VERY precious for me. You have no idea what it means for me. Just think how you helped another guy or a girl to not make a mistake in their life by posting this. I will not let this post go to waste. I will repost this here and everywhere I find it to be suitable. Yes, I've seen his not so plesent side and I still love him. I also would reject hotter guys if he is in love with me. I mean even now, even though I only have a crush on him I don't want anyone else or hotter than him. I want him. Even though it's hard to imagine the life I want with parents in the picture I still want them to be there too (they must be there) and I wish I could help them like any in-law would. But unfortunately this society does not accept the kind of relationship I want. Who knows? maybe it's a crush or maybe it is love. Thanks again.

xSolidSnake86 · Apr 10, 2016

@DYS1994 Glad I could help. It's just my personal experience, and from observing those around me over the years who are/were in love together, including my parents. The word "love" has been overused for so long, that it's meaning has been diluted, many don't really know what "love" really is. It's often confused with passion, lust, etc.

And if you share, just be sure not to include anything personal I wrote of myself or my ex. Because knowing my luck, I'll get found out by my town lol. Just start from "And I'm really sorry about your dilemma" and so on.

DYS1994 · Apr 11, 2016

xSolidSnake86 said: ↑

@DYS1994 Glad I could help. It's just my personal experience, and from observing those around me over the years who are/were in love together, including my parents. The word "love" has been overused for so long, that it's meaning has been diluted, many don't really know what "love" really is. It's often confused with passion, lust, etc.

And if you share, just be sure not to include anything personal I wrote of myself or my ex. Because knowing my luck, I'll get found out by my town lol. Just start from "And I'm really sorry about your dilemma" and so on.
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Yup that's where I exactly started from. I copied the whole thing after that part and shared it. You're right. The meaning of the word love has been diluted now, for instance when we say love in the very first instance most of us only remember love that has lust in it but we forget what about the love that our parents, siblings and friends had for us. I really wish the best for you man. I really do. You deserve better in your life and I suggest you work to achieve that.

AllanTheCowboy · Apr 16, 2016

I can tell you, man, she is not living any sort of dream. She's living something similar to Jack Donaghy's relationship with his mother. And you'd be living it if she hadn't hooked someone else. I know that doesn't magically take away the feelings you've got, but don't think that her marriage is a lot healthier than your relationship with her was.

You don't still love her. You still need her respect because you've tied up your self-respect in it. This comes down to you needing to work on you. Treat the sickness, and the symptoms will clear up, including your lamentations for this toxic woman.

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Still miss her after 9 years! :-(

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