Stayed clean for almost 600 days, but last month I relapsed and my gf is completely broken.

600 days ! well done, it sounds like you need to counsel me, not the other way around!
I have just done 118 Days, so I am nowhere near you in my journey.
From your post, you sound like a very sensible 22 year old, and are already doing what will help you with getting professional therapy.

I am not a therapist, but the only thing I can suggest is that you should get rid of any fear you have about relapsing or the situation getting worse.
Fear breeds stress, and stress is the real reason that most people do PMO, so please try to get rid of any fear of failure, it will help very much with your situation.

With what you have done, and from the tone of your post, you will no doubt conquer whatever challenges come your way, but know that we on nofap are also with you every step of the way, so keep doing what you are doing, it will all turn out fine.

Cheers for now brother.

 

It sounds like you have completely lost your frame in the relationship. The moment a woman starts dictating what you do and is threatening to leave you, then she has already lost respect for you and feels she has power over you, which ends up being a huge turn off in her eyes.

You have accomplished a very impressive streak and you should be proud of that. She doesn't understand how difficult that is to do.

I highly recommend you check out some red pill content: FarFromWeak on youtube is a great channel, Legion of Men. Books like The Rational Male. It will help you gain a better understanding as to the nature of women, how they think, what they are attracted to etc. Basically everything the feminized society has taught us growing up is a lie.

Bottom line is you need to get your 'frame' back and be the leader in your relationship. Men and Women are equal, but men are by nature built to lead and women are attracted to strong men. If you appear weak to her, no matter how much she loves you, she will automatically lose respect for you, and thus attraction, and will eventually leave you.

 

Interesting you say that considering the whole point of that book is the complete opposite. Many men already fear women, especially when it comes to rejection. The author attempts to help men get over this fear and to not put women on a pedestal.

I agree with what you said about high quality people attracting other high quality people. One of the main points of "manosphere" content is to encourage men to improve themselves and "level up", which is why I had suggested watching some of that content on youtube.

 

All I see is you on here spreading is misinformation and diatribe. Porn destroys sex lives. It takes away from girlfriends. I know that first hand. So do loads of us. If "it's just porn" why is it fast becoming a certified addiction with very real mental consequences? Why is there a forum dedicated to stopping it? Why are you cutting it from your life?
I am astonished that you would downplay the impacts of it as "just porn" given the collective destruction is has caused a whole community of men, and countless others who are trapped without knowledge. It's not just porn, it's not just a coping strategy, it's a poisonous substance.

 

Because you are replacing your partner by using porn. Instead of turning towards your partner and connecting you use porn. It’s starts off so gradual you don’t notice the wreckage it leaves. My husband was a very functioning addict. But, as life gets more stressful, he used more. When you are feeding an addiction you ignore, neglect, and starve your relationships. However, you don’t see it, because you are numbed out and high. Instead of turning towards me and facing troubles with me, he turned to porn, hence replacing me in every aspect of our marriage. He left me high and dry abandoning me for porn and he couldn’t even see it. Porn addicts can’t get it up for their partner! They lose attraction for their partner. They condition themselves to endless airbrushed perfection so their brain rejects the familiar imperfect partner. Married 31 years. Until my husband got into recovery he had all sorts of dysfunction in the bedroom and out. They may not be buying Diamond rings but many have bankrupted their family in subscriptions, chat rooms, lost jobs and worse.

 

I kind of think @SchoolOfEngineering and @Psalm27:1my light have just nailed the problem here. Men and women do think differently.

Its no longer good enough for us to say "we dont understand" why women feel like they do. What seems clear, is most of them do feel this way. If we want to be decent partners, we need to try to understand that. And yes - they need to try to understand we dont mean it that way too.

But somewhere, we all have to let go of any blame here and try to have a greater understanding. As the great Steven R Covey said: First we must seek to understand, then seek to be understood.

If we can not accept how women feel about this (and vice versa) we stand very little chance of learning to live with them harmoniously. And that works both ways.

 

I'm done with all the defences for porn. It's utterly shameful. Never before in history have people observed others having sex so easily and accessibly, we have all seen more naked people having sex than our ancestors combined. It's put the secrecy and intimacy of human love and interaction into the realm of entertainment. It has trivialised human relation into high speed vulgarity. No, it's not okay to watch porn, it never has been. In the same way watching real life people having sex has never been okay. I live in shame and regret every day. This toxic masculinity is the problem with why porn has such a handle on us all, we think it's normal. It isn't, it never has been. The models and actors on the videos are sacrificing their infidelity and purity for the enjoyment of strangers. Are we all no better than those who came to judge freaks at Victorian Freakshows for their own self-absorbed indulgence? The more we excuse the use of porn, the bigger the force will be.

 

Women don't care about your struggles, only how you deal with your struggles. Social proof that you are capable. They care for your ability to give. They are biologically programmed for this.

If you understand this, then you will see that your girlfriend is irrelevant, or the next one. Main goal is your growth and frame.

If you feel that you lost respect from your girlfriend, end the relationship. It is only a matter of time that she does it for you. There are 2 things you can have from your girlfriend, her pussy and her respect. Expect nothing else.

Another thing... women don't care about what is " fake " or not. They care about social perception and safety. Do you think Eva Braun was with Hitler because he wasn´t " fake " ?!

So relax and create your own world.

Women do not have the luxury to deny or transcend their own biological programming and at the same time keep a healthy mindset. You have.

So...conclusion is, stop busting them nuts ! And don't negotiate with terrorists.

 

You'll be fine it's just porn.

 

In my experience this happens way more often. Im not bitter about it. its just the way it is.
Youre supposed to be her rock, dont you dare have any problems.

 

Don't pressure yourself too much. Pick yourself back up again and keep going. If you're gonna be too hard on yourself, you're gonna fall back in the cycle of regret and bitterness and eventually you're gonna be trapped again in the cycle of pmo. You went 600 days without pmo, which means you're doing major progress. Be proud of yourself because of this.

 

Hey there!

First of all, let me offer my congratulations on your 600 days. That right there is colossal progress. You watched porn, you relapsed, slipped called whatever you want but I encourage you to take this episode as something positive rather than negative.

There is no recovery without relapses or set backs. You just had one after a long time but you managed to get rid of it for more than a year, alot of us can't go days without it. Be proud of it, look carefully into what lead to this particular episode and make the apropiate corrections to avoid similar situations in the future.

Also, seeing you went so long without PMO, maybe work on cleaning your environment to reduce risks of a relapse for the next few weeks. As time goes by and your mind settles down again you can work on removing those.

Regarding your girlfriend, every relationship is different and ultimately it comes down to you, her, and what you think it's best for the relationship. I am lucky to have a wife that is very supportive, but this addiction affect our partners deeply, it leaves them feeling like they are not enough, it undermines their self steem and leaves them emotionally confused. It's easy to analyze woman and put a tag on the entire gender, but I assure you, you probably know your girlfriend better than any book, and what's more important you know better than anyone the value that she has to you. If I were you, I would sit with her, maybe over a cup of tea or coffee, re-assure her that this was a one time thing and that you are going back on track asap and what's more important, go back on track asap, first for yourself and then for your relationship, maybe even take her on date to remember the good times and put aside the "grim reality" .
Take those negative emotions from the relapse and turn them into positive energy because that's what's going to propel you forward. Man again, you went almost two years without it, be very proud, take this as a learning opportunity and aim for more now!

I hope any of the above can be of help to you. Best of luck!