I hate myself. I'm 27 years old. I have severe social anxiety. I have no degree. I've been working the same crappy part time service job for the last six years. I live with my mother... in a trailer no less. Dating is a waste of time. It's not even that I'm that bad looking. It's everything else about me. I'm not attractive as a person. And at this point and time in my life I have no future to look forward to. I don't know what lies ahead for me. I feel growing up like people expected so much of me and are day by day becoming increasingly more disappointed. I'm depressed. I'm bitter. I'm angry. I'm miserable. Right now I just feel like the loneliest guy in the world. All my friends are getting married, buying houses and working great, high paying jobs and I'm left woefully behind. So I thought about turning to porn... that would make feel better, right? Well, I'm resisting. I'm not giving in. Not this time. I'm determined to make it to March 20th, 2018 clean. But it sheds some light. I turn to porn because I'm unhappy with myself. It makes me feel better about myself, even for just a short while. Now more than ever I realize what a miserable little cockroach I am. I'm so unhappy. I'm so sad. I don't know what to do. I need help. I need direction. I need something to pull myself out of this hell. I'm just stuck... :'(
You're comparing yourself to people with different life circumstances. It's not a race. There's no rule saying you have to have all those things at age 27. So what do you want? A full time job? What kind of job? Do you want something that requires education? Figure out where you want to be and what you need to do to get there. It's much easier to feel bitter and angry by comparing yourself to others than it is to actually do something about your situation. Nobody can give you a direction. If you don't know what you want, then why would anybody else know? What have you done in the last "crappy" six years to improve your situation?
Not much. I feel totally lost in that way. I don't know what I should do. But you're absolutely correct. I have to really do it myself because there's no one but me that can figure that out. I would really like to be an actor, honestly. I have years of experience behind me. Experience I regret in some ways if I DON'T ever become an actor because then that means all that work was just a waste of time. I guess I just never felt like that was a "serious" profession and that I needed to pursue something more reliable. More steady. I know what I need to do to get there. But I damn myself by the prospect of failure... and, yes, I know, that's no one's problem but my own.
And, yes, comparing myself to others is also a serious issue of mine. It's a crippling disease at this point.
I'm sure you know the chances of being a full time, successful, and well paid actor. As long as you know the costs and sacrifices you need to make, then go for it. Whatever you figure out and decide to do, take responsibility for it. So what do you want? To be a struggling actor for many years or find a profession that's more stable? Do both? Figure it out.
Hope you find your 'Ambition' bud.. With ambitions and goals come progress with many opportunities.. Take it easy on yourself, and start organising how to make your goals advance into fruition..
