Spouse of an addict

Welcome! Way to go for being a caring wife and i'm sorry you are being indirectly affected by this plague. Fortunately most people who are apart of the nofap community have seen and felt the negative consequences of PMO which has lead them to the first step of recovery which is accepting that we have a problem. If your husband is not seeing the negative consequences of PMO than maybe you should be the consequence by setting boundaries and by telling him what you want from your relationship. I think its fair that he knows how you feel and what you want. He needs to understand that talking to you openly is a necessity. Its totally understandable that you dont want people to look at him differently, he however needs to realize that what he is doing really does affect people such as yourself. Im not married so i cant understand exactly what your going through but i can tell you that you are not alone with your problem. Sadly this is an issue that is far too common. Again i commend you for being a supportive wife and wish you the best of luck.

 

Welcome - so glad you're here.

If you haven't already come across them, please search for these users. You'll find their experience and support invaluable.

numb
AnonymousAnnaXOXO
GG2002
BetrayedMermaid
Jagliana

Take care, and please reach out to the community if you need something.

 

Just one additional thought, this is the link to the section of the site where partners of porn addicts support each other. Maybe start a thread there. The users I mentioned earlier are often around there.

https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?forums/significant-other-journals.107/

Sorry you're going through a lot just now.

"Everything will be alright in the end... If everything's not alright, it's not yet the end."

Take care.

 

Hello, i feel like i read the exact same topic somewhere else ...

 

I'm very sorry you are going through this. For many men they have to hit rock bottom, or come very close to it to finally see what they are doing and begin recovery. I went through 15 years of my BF saying what I wanted to hear but never taking it seriously. In December it was the last straw and I told him I couldn't do it anymore and was leaving. I meant it too, I had finally build up the courage and strength to do it. He has been clean since that day. It has been a long, hard, painful road to get here. Finally. A good place to start is doing some research on the site yourbrainonporn.com then have him read it too. There is a lot of really good info there and the science behind the addiction. There are also a lot of resources in the 'partners' section of this forum.

 

Have the two of you looked into counseling? It has helped many here, there are a few people that could give you better advice for finding a good therapist than I could. I agree, it would probably be smart to put a hold on the house until you have a better idea about what is going on.

 

I think its about communication. Tell him how its affecting you. Just be open and honest with him. I don't know what your reasons are but I could probably guess, its not that hard. Im not going to say what I think your reasons are because I dont want to put reasons into your head. Your reasons are your reasons and you should sit him down when he is in a reasonably good mood and communicate with him. Think it well through before you speak to him so your clear on your reasons and how it makes you feel. Good luck.

 

Sorry to hear about your situation, @stid. Here's some moral support (I don't know how to send moral support over the Internet other than posting this sentence).

Look after yourself. I have been the partner of an addict. It is gruelling, I know. Until they admit that they're an addict there's nothing you can do for them. It's all on them.

It might be hard to convince someone that porn is actually something that you can be addicted to, and that can adversely affect him personally, and the people around him. I don't know what sort of person your husband is, or what might bring them to the realisation that he's an addict, but maybe point him at yourbrainonporn, this site, and the Reddit sub to help him realise that a lot of normal, intelligent, otherwise happy, witty people take porn and PMO seriously.

Again, I don't know you or your husband, but ultimatums and consequences can make some people dig their heels in. Some addictions start because of feelings of loss of control.