I have been a porn addict from class 7, that is when I was 13 years old. I have been trying to stop it from class 9 but all my efforts went in veins. In class 12, I got a computer and an internet connection. Until then, it was going to internet cafés and watching porn and then coming back home and shag to the images stored in memories. now, I did not need to go the candy shop to buy it, a candy shop was installed in my home. That coupled with a harsh break up gave rise to a misogynist mentality and hardcore porn addiction. so now, I was cursing women and fucking them in my mind, I was in love with BDSM. since then I started becoming completely detached to myself and my friends slowly became distant, or maybe I did. now, at the age of 22, I feel like a stranger to myself, incapable of establishing meaningful human contact, with a handful of friends the company of whom I really do not enjoy much. I have been in a few relationships but all of them failed because after a while I could not like them to the point of achieving an erection. also, chiefly because I believe I am incapable of loving another human being, especially a woman. I can hardly look at a woman like another person, I look at them like they are pieces of meats and I am aware of that. I am aware that this is not socially acceptable but I can hardly help it. My eyes go adrift to their breasts or asses when I am talking to a woman, regardless of who she is to me; a teacher, mother of friend, neighbor. I have become this person whom I absolutely loath. I try to stop myself from watching porn or stop masturbating thinking about my hot ex-girlfriend whom I last saw 4 years ago but the vortex of my sins consume me over and over again. I have not masturbated for 3 days but today I relapsed again and did it for 2 times. I do not know if I can change, but I will keep on trying. small jumps to get out of my well until all my energy gets spent.
