Solitude is Freeing

If there's one thing I've begun to realize in my journey abstaining from PMO is that loneliness is a very subjective concept. There is this idea that you have to avoid being alone in our society. You must have a happy family, you must have many friends, you must have a loved one that you can have sex with. People seem to be attached, almost emprisoned, to these beliefs. Maybe it's the fact that it's really hard to truly come to face with your deep self. Maybe people fear loneliness because they truly fear themselves. I don't know, that's a theory.

The fact is, the more I discipline myself, the more I forge myself through the pain and the hardship, the more being alone becomes freeing. And that's a bit scary. Maybe I could reach a point where being with people would start making me feel more lonely than being just by myself. I feel that. I feel more alone with people than just with myself. Could that be a problem?

I feel that breaking away with my vices, even though sometimes that can be brutally painful, is making me "permanent". I feel permanent towards any negative feelings that I experience. Because that's just what it is. It's just feelings. And I feel especially permanent towards the idea of being alone. I could be wrong, but I think we're all born and we all die alone. And getting in terms with this path of solitude is the real way of reaching freedom.

Loneliness has something to do with death. And when we're in terms with the idea of dying, we are truly free from this world. No more need to chase all those things that are also destined to fade. In relation to NoFap, sex being one of them. When I reach true vision, I realize sex is just a nuisance. Just another biological instinct that will eventually lead to more peace disruptance. It's not a need. Society is just addicted to it, just as it is addicted to comfort, addicted to running from being alone, and addicted to running away from the reality that everything is passing, everything is temporary.

Is there some reason to the way I think? Or am I just becoming a bitter man?

 

I guess you're right, Joey. It's about balance. We're social creatures in the end, excessive solitude is not good. Maybe there's someone waiting for me in the future, who knows...