So much of this makes so much more sense

My previous post spoke about masculine energy and what it's there for.

I had an addiction to some shit and really started getting all down on myself wondering what the hell is going on.

The fetish is linked to crossdressing but it has a bit more of a 'defeating the individual' nature.

I did not really know what I was gonna do to get rid of the fetish.

It went quite well along with my masochistic nature.

So it stayed.

After seeing a bunch of elliot hulse's videos I have become much more relaxed about everything around my mental health and whether or not I am Straight, gay, bisexual, actively a woman, etc...

I am a dude. A bisexual dude. Mostly male because that's how my energy works.

It builds up into an idea. It festers. I work out all the details. And boom I explode into the world with the idea. It 'orgasms' to life.

I cannot be told that I absorb, because I don't.

Yes I have a feminine side that wants a little back, but it most certainly doesn't dictate much of my life.

I want to be respected. This is what I, as a man, want. I want the partner to see okay, he's busy better let him do his thing and wait my turn.

Then when it's her turn I will go all crazy and give her all the love she needs and deserves.

I want to be appreciated too . I want someone who sees how hard I work on everything I do and appreciates it. Tells me every now and then that what I do is bloody amazing and I am a valuable motherfucker.

That's the feminine side. That's the other side of my psyche

But that's it.

I want to do so much more in terms of creating, building, ejaculating into life rather than prettifying. Making something that already exists look nice so someone else can appreciate it.

So I'm done giving(see?) a fuck about the porn telling me that I am a girl because I most certainly am not.

But what I am pleased with in terms of development is that I realized since I started watching porn is I kinda lost my curious self. I stopped asking why. I saw that and reintroduced the question back into my life. I feel this is a great bit of progress back to my life as it should have been by now.