So I finally grew some balls to join the forums (and the challenge)

Hi there guys!
So, as the title says, I finally decided to quit P and MO for good. Here goes my story:

I'm a 26 y/o straight male who found himself one day suddenly crying and terrorised with the idea of being gay, among other things. That day (2 months ago) I realised that I had absolutely no idea who I was and why a couldn't achieve any of my goals in life. Everything was twisted and clouded and I didn't know if I really loved my (recently acquired) girlfriend.

At that moment, after having an agonising pain in my heart for days, I decided to start psychotherapy. Of course the pain didn't fade away immediately, but it became bearable to the point of feeling good again.

What I have learned about myself with therapy:
-I was abused when I was 8 years old by a cousin. (I didn't have clear memories about that before therapy. I thought it was with consent and that I was 11)
-I developed an OCD with masturbation, which I used as a mechanism to feel better about myself. Of course, porn addiction helped me to switch from "vanilla" porn to what i used to consider "kinky porn" (gay, trans, transwoman, gangbang, gay gangbang, etc). This is what made me question my sexual identity, even after having awful homosexual experiences trying "explore" my sexuality. I don't like men, I simply have a fixation with penises.
-The root of the OCD is not in sexual stimulation, but it is triggered by any kind of sadness or bad feeling about myself and my life.
-Until recently, i never made love with any of my ex girlfrinds; I simply had sex with them and treated them somewhat like sexual toys. That changed with my current girlfriend.

Relationship-wise, I've been lonely for the past 7 years with some casual sex. I couldn't develop a healthy relationship with anyone because i was too afraid to commit and because i felt like i wasn't worth any good. Thankfully, my current girlfriend (who i love with my whole heart) helped me a lot to overcome these issues. She's the one that keeps my feet on the ground and gives me the strength to struggle with my problems.

NoFap-wise, this time I'm commited and I feel strong enough to end my addiction and my OCD. I started last week and lasted for 6 days. Now I'm on my second day but feeling much confident and with clearer goals. That's why I joined the forums.

So that's why I'm here.
Thanks for reading and for your support.
I'll be posting frequently (probably daily) about my reboot and my issues.
Cheers!

 

Thank you guys for your kind words. They are quite inspiring.
Truth is, i read about nofap years ago but never got the balls to do it. Before feeling the agonising pain i felt, i used to give up on everything quite easily tbh.
After the crippling angst i felt, i realised i was weighting everything in my life wrong. Everything in life has a different meaning now.
I'm glad I had my therapist and my loving girlfriend to support me. Otherwise i would have given up on life too.

Indeed, the enemy is a fearsome one. I'm keeping myself busy with work, study and i'm teaching myself to code. I started to run again, i find going to the gym too provocative yet.
But as i said before, i'm relying on my girlfriend (to make love and support me), determination and a new mindset.

By the way, impressive achievement DJ. Congratulations on surpassing 500 days. Any recommendations for a newbie? Thank you