So...I'm on Facebook just trolling and clicking articles because I like to read and not really knowing what I clicked had something to do with '5 Best Monster Sex Scenes'. Although strange, I read the article to see what they were talking about. Read through it and didn't think anything of it. Got to the comments and one guy said that a particular movie gave him the creeps. I was curious as to what movie he was talking about so I googled it. I honestly don't remember the name of the movie but clicked on a YouTube link that had the movie name in the title. Not thinking anything of it (because it is YouTube), this monster and this woman start getting it on (mind you it was against her will) and they were showing details (which also threw me off because it is YOUTUBE). I kind of paused for a moment and reread the title and it said 'rape scene'. I immediately shut the video off and thought to myself "What the hell am I doing?!?!?!" and "What the hell kind of freaky shit goes on in people's minds thinking this is erotic and entertaining!!!" Well...at one point in time, I did. It truly weirded me out knowing that I used to find scenes like that exciting and wanting more. I see how Facebook likes to lure people and chase the rabbit. I'm not going to say that I relapsed but hit a bump in the road because there was no urge to 'PMO'. Just opened up my eyes as to how cautious you have to be (even on Facebook and YouTube). Also, it opened up my eyes as to how 'P' really affected my brain in a NEGATIVE way. Glad I caught myself and recognized it, and journaled it for others to see.
Going through major perspective shifts around sexuality and eroticism are part of the journey I feel. A general bit of advice I've read here many times , don't click on any link, google anything, go to any site which have even have the most minimal thing on it that could trigger a relapse. Just to stay safe
The world holds so many things like that but I can be a pleasant surprise when you come across something like that and feel differently than you did before your journey started.
Thanks for the advice! It's amazing at how quickly one can start 'chasing the rabbit'. I will keep that in mind.
Good input. Thanks for the post. I’ve been there in both situations: “Chasing the rabbit” - An internet search for something G-rated transitions into hours of viewing hard core porn. Since my zero tolerance stance at end of August I’m doing lots better. And The Rape porn - Enjoying it and looking for more. I feel bad about my past rape porn viewing, especially when I think that many of those women were in fact being raped and not acting. Moving onwards and upwards now.
I like the zero tolerance policy. It's amazing at what we have to do these days because it is so easy to get trapped.
I try to be more purposeful when using social media. What I mean is I decide beforehand what I'll do on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram then go onto the app. Not really a good idea to aimlessly scroll through social media. When I do that I end up feeling miserable or get triggered.
I gotcha. What I mainly do is find a stupid video that gets me laughing and then go from there. I really do not like being on Facebook because it has become a very disappointing platform. I really just like watching the stupid Fail Army videos.