sissy fantasy is living hell

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by NEVERNEVER, Jul 6, 2019.

  1. NEVERNEVER

    NEVERNEVER Fapstronaut

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    I let this fantasy escalate this last 2 weeks , I was not me I was this self invented person
    I could not sleep I could not eat right I could not concentrate at work, I did spend a lot of time online countless hours just chatting with guys living this fantasy, posting some pics then deleting them turning my cam on once in a while and broadcasting, wow it was so shameful so degrading, I even made plans to meet with a few men, but I didn't do, now I am back to being myself my normal self, I have been doing this all for about 15 years, back and forth, usually after going back to normal life like right now, I get rid of the clothes I used everything lingerie, shoes, wig make up toys, I just get rid of them
    I also delete all accounts I created for this activity, wipe off laptops and cellphones, because I don't want to remember none of this its so shameful but this time I am keeping everything, if I feel like coming back for more of this shit well I dont have to buy a lot of stuff again and I don't have to open more internet account since they are still open I know its dangerous to keep all of this but I feel like I MUST FACE THIS DEMON IN THE EYES AND SAY COME AND GET ME!!!!I AM NOT RUNNING FROM YOU I AM FIGHTING YOU!! I AM NOT PLAYING GAMES NO MORE
    I AM HERE TO WIN!!! COME AND GET ME!! I AM READY FOR YOU!!
     
  2. miXhal

    miXhal Fapstronaut

    Good decision to stop, also to be here.
    Questionable decision to keep all of this.
    Bad decision to try to make it alone.
     
    Kiz Whalifa likes this.
  3. Cassian Andor

    Cassian Andor New Fapstronaut

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    In general terms, do you think that sharing an addiction with your parents would be one important step to recovery?
    Every time I miss a streak I think about speaking to them but then i convince myself that is not necessary.
     
  4. miXhal

    miXhal Fapstronaut

    I think that there is nothing to lose by doing that. They would like to help you with it, I am sure of this.
     
    Cassian Andor likes this.
  5. Vendettana

    Vendettana Fapstronaut

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    Man, I'm with you. I was struggeling with porn addiction for years, without even knowing I have a problem. Like you, I had problems to concentrate, I did not leave to work on time, because I was watching porn in the morning. Although it was straight porn (with a lot of anal), a couple of months ago, I started watching shemales. And like you, in all those years, often after ejaculation, I immediately deleted all my downloaded videos in disgust, only to redownload them again a couple of days later.
    I am on NoFap for four days now. I did not ejaculate for three months and I stopped watching porn four days ago. And like you, I have not deleted my videos this time. I know they are there. I will deleted them after day 90. I am sick and tired of my strong words after ejaculation, when hormones drop, only to download them again. At least I will save bandwidth this time!
     
    kriss93 likes this.
  6. kriss93

    kriss93 Fapstronaut

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    Do you crave for shemales and anal sex after three months of no-ejaculation? Has something changed in you? If yes, what?
     
  7. Vendettana

    Vendettana Fapstronaut

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    First of all, during those three months I did not masturbate. But I had sex with my wife a month ago (right now I am working abroad). So let's say it like that: I did not masturbate, I had sex and I did ejaculate.
    Yes, things did change, my interest in Shemales is fading. I now rarely have the fantasy to have sex with a shemale. (I was only interested in black shemales that were feminized and had a big penis).
    I am looking forward to see my wife again and I hope this will be soon. I am more interested in her than ever. My interest for shemales and for porn in general is fading but it is not zero. I stopped watching porn like a week ago. I hope this will improve even more.
    Why, what about you?
     

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