Sildenafil, Helping PMO, Relationship Recovery? ( Trigger warning !!!!!!)

For about 10 years or longer I had on occasion tried Sildenafil, the problem is my insurance did not cover most of it when it did. And it is extremely expensive. As time went on he didn't change much until 2019, when a generic form of Vi came out in the form of Sildenafil. Which is only around a dollar each hundred milligram pill. Which is pretty amazing price considering how much these used to be under the original name.

Being the fact that I could not take them very often, and only under what might be seen as special occasions to ensure things worked out well but I use it. I know that PMO had a long downward spiral effect on my self-esteem, which also effected my intimacy. As I have noted in other posts I've made here. My wife is very attractive we married over 31 years and that's not the issue. The issue is me . But I had use these on occasion to try and have some normality to my life also to allow things to work out well and not rebound off my spouse. As it would not be her fault if things did not work right.

Flash forward, I had noted about four or five months ago that my addictions seem to have been easing somewhat. In fact it became less important, and was easily put off for a couple of days regardless of how I felt about it. I was not sure the timing of it was me getting old or something had changed my perspective. I had been using the Sildenafil, for my relationship, and that rare times PMO just for the hell of it.

But then I realized something was happening and that's why wanted to post this. I noticed that my desire to be with my partner was far greater than desire for PMO. In fact it was very easy to put it off ignore it. the only factor I can see was I was able to have access to dozens of the Sildenafil, prescriptions meaning I could have on hand 100, 100 mg pills, which means I did not have to space things out or wait to use them. But even when I was not using them I notice things starting to work on their own. At age 56 I started waking up all hours with solid wood. Not something that had occurred for probably 15 years or more. And I could not make heads or tails of was going on. My activity in life has not been much different I have been taking more vitamins and trying to eat better but overall I had not change things that dramatic to have this kind of effect on me. Example was last night, it had been five days since anything and all the sudden there was in the middle of the night.

As I sat here and thought about it today, and PMO . All I could think about was my partner when it came to any kind of personal intimate thoughts. Something that usually was kind of confusing depending on my desire to have instant gratification. But it kind of has faded for some reason. The reason I see it is because I can now act at any time, me or my spouse is interested and time does not have to matter. Also as PMO is becoming more and more distance from events. My intimacy with my partner, is increasing. We are becoming even closer over the last four months no doubt to the fact of having more personal time with each other and it intimacy. I could see that having a near endless supply of Sildenafil, could go completely opposite direction making me dive right back down the rabbit hole, or even worse.

But I had the conclusion that being I am wanting something better than I have in my life right now when that became more clearer, and attainable I automatically went for that without even thinking about it I had not realized over the period of four months that things had changed in a direction. I came here about a month ago really confused I what I was doing and also is trying something new that my body seem to be letting the do. That was weaning myself off of PMO, which was something that I was not able to do before. But I can see it right now in front of me happening as time is going on is becoming less and less important. And my partner is becoming more more important.
So much so, that Sildenafil, is not even needed many times in my personal life.

Just sharing this I don't know how it plays out, and I would not advise anyone take this route without some serious guidance and help. I've been doing this for 35 to 40 years, so I have a good idea of what things look like and can definitely tell when things are different. I'm not fooling myself that I am out of the woods. But this change in my mind, that was not done by simply avoiding the problem. But seem to make a step in a different direction that somehow has helped. I am no longer stressed, when I know an evening may have intimacy, this usually could end up with performance issues. Which also compounded by PMO. Just making the nightmare completely out of hand and stressful, demoralizing, and just downright depressing. But that in my head is gone I don't think that anymore because I have an avenue that seems to be helping. I don't want this to be a crutch. But sometimes we need something to lean on the helpless move forward. Sildenafil, is not the answer drug to all my problems both personally and physically I realize that, but I am seeing a light at the end of the tunnel. A light I had not seen in 35 to 40 years this clear. I hope this is something that will happen and help me out of this mess. I stopped drinking with the same kind of feeling that was inside my head once before. I was able to avoid things and basically ended up doing something else instead of that and eventually to where now having a drink uses whatever I only want one. It's not tempting, I just don't care about it. And that's slightly the way I started to feel about PMO, to where it's almost kind of like obnoxiously boring and not near as rewarding as spending time with my partner.

I don't know if this'll help anybody or not, and I never would say make a medical resolution. This is what is working for me, and just me I'm not advising anybody else go out and start doing what I'm doing. But I am seeing a light that I have not seen in 35 and 40 years. But it's only been around a week with no PMO, and normally this is my worst time but I had noticed it getting better over the last four months. Perhaps I was just doing it every week out of habit I don't know that'll be the next obstacle I look at is rather not this is even worth continuing.

I don't think there's any else to say on it thanks for listening.