I'm 68 years old. It's hard to know when my addiction to masturbation and, later to pornography. began but my life has been severely affected. I discovered masturbation when I was about 8 years old, and it became a powerful support when living in my difficult and disturbed family. In my early thirties I went through a breakdown and began using pornography and discovered the world of transexuals. This was long before the genre of she-males gained popularity; I used to create collages to excite myself. I found my behaviour impossible to understand, although the idea of a woman with a penis was incredibly powerful and I became deeply addicted. The confusion I felt, coupled with shame, was bound up with masturbation binges lasting for days. I've stopped for long periods many times, but always returned when stress and life problems became intense. I've done untold damage to relationships, my career and creativity generally and the depth of shame, self punishment and guilt reaches proportions that have caused me to want to commit suicide. I've never really told anyone in my life just how troubled and sick I've been and still am. But, the truth is I've never really known just how pathological my behaviour is. I just got on with life and considered it all part of the way things are. Over the last few years though, I've gradually become aware that I've got a severe problem because I can't give up, even though I've tried over and over to do so. I recently stopped for 77 days, but fell off the wagon three weeks ago and dropped into another quagmire of crazy porn binging followed by incredibly painful regret and shame; which in turn drove me back into binging to escape from the misery. What a crazy and sick cycle of behaviour. I've got to tackle this problem and I found this site today. I'm hoping I can join in the effort to help myself and others, and contribute however I can. I'm completely new to this kind of thing. I don't know what to do, so I've started by being completely honest about my problem.
Hello Spivy, I´m in my 60´s also and found this site a few days ago. I also come from a disturbed family background and I feel I started masturbation to just calm myself down from the turmoil going on around me at a young age. 77 days sounds pretty good to me and I aim for that goal. I think your honesty will carry you through the ups and downs you might face. As a self therapy, have you ever heard of EFT? You can learn it and do it on yourself, when you feel you are having a set-back. Look on youtube for examples. I haven´t used it for nofap yet, but I may have to. Anyway, best of luck.
Hey Spivy. I honor you, sir. I am so sorry for your family background and for the years of pain and shame you have endured. Relapses, esp. after long streaks, hurt so much. But welcome to this site. I'm glad you're here, both to receive and give support. We are honest here, and really try to help one another. I have a few suggestions that have helped me: 1. Before going much further, take some time to think deeply about WHY you want to quit PMO. Write down these reasons, keep them close, and review often. 2. Also, fill in these blanks: As a Man who no longer PMOs, I will be.... I will feel.... I will be able to.... People will say that I.... These are all your motivators. 3. Put and keep effective porn blockers on your internet devices. Lots of guys also quit or block Twitter, instagram, FB, etc. Whatever has triggers for you. 4. Get exercise daily; make yourself sweat. Begin where you are. Walk, jog, lift, do calisthenics--whatever you can. When you are able to step up your game, do it. 5. Cold showers! Start gradually if you have to. They're not only good for reducing present lust, but for helping keep your mind clear. (Both with exercising and cold showers, you are taking back control of your body which has been under control of your urges for too long.) 6. If you're married, or living with others, go to bed when your wife does, or do not be the last one up at night. 7. Again, depending on your living situation, use your devices only in the public parts of the house, never in bedroom or bathroom. 8. You can never prevent yourself from seeing an attractive, even tempting person, in public or on "innocent" tv, movies, or internet. But you definitely CAN control long looks or fantasizing. 9. Sexual dreams (even if wet) do NOT matter, and do NOT break your streak. Pay them no mind, esp. if you remember them in the a.m. Spivy, this is a practically super-human battle you are engaging. Expect lots of wounds. And I've relapsed 100s of times. Stay strong, stay determined, and stay connected. Peace. Mike
