Should I Ask Her Out Now or Wait?

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by muterabbit, Jul 21, 2019.

  1. muterabbit

    muterabbit Fapstronaut

    159
    104
    43
    So I really like a lady I’ve worked with for over 9 months, but we haven’t talked much in that time. She sent me a friend request on Facebook 7 months ago, and we’ve talked a little bit on there. We’ve talked a little bit at work too, but very briefly; usually just task-related stuff or the typical “How are you” that everyone does. We went bowling once with a group of friends, and she hugged me near the end. I was much more animated at the time because I was drunk; usually I’m very quiet.

    Do I ask her out for coffee now, knowing that we haven’t talked much, and knowing I’ll most likely be shy alone with her? She’s been particularly friendly lately and I’ve plucked up some courage to talk to her a bit more at work, so should I allow some time for us to get more comfortable talking?

    My friend, who’s always brimming with confidence, seems to think I should go for it now. Part of me agrees with that, thinking back to the ladies that got swept off their feet by other guys while I hesitated to do anything. Part of me worries I don’t have much to go off of and she’ll say no, or that she’ll decide to abort after one visit to the coffee shop.

    My friend was prodding me to text her, but isn’t it proper to ask in person?

    If I do get rejected, I’ll respect her choice and not push for anything more. I just don’t have much experience handling rejection because I haven’t tried for romance that many times. How would I react to that gracefully? I hope we can be friends if she’s not interested, and I hope it wouldn’t get weird.
     
  2. Alex1993

    Alex1993 Fapstronaut

    55
    79
    18
    Yeah man, I reckon give it a shot. Keep talking to her at work, if she’s been more friendly lately after she hugged you, that’s a good sign. Keep talking to her and start asking her questions about what she does outside of work and then try ask her out. For me I rather ask in person. Give it a shot man!
     
  3. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

    1,100
    5,271
    143
    How do you learn to handle rejection? You get rejected.

    How do you stop being shy with someone? By getting to know them and pushing yourself to open up more in general interactions with others.

    These circumstances are made not to matter as much by experiencing them, but you won't get better at it if you keep waiting until you're magically ready without experiencing them. You have to start incompetent and insecure at something that's beyond your level of experience.

    Accept who you currently are and all that you currently lack (but you're working towards). Go for what you want and the rest is up to her.

    Comfort isn't the goal here. The goal is discomfort, uncertainty, and adversity. The goal is clear intentions of what you want so that you know her level of interest in you. Not vague, safe, and comfortable talking that leads to vague, safe, and comfortable results. That's playing not to lose where you don't lose anything, but you also don't win anything.

    Ask her out for coffee in person. Doesn't matter if you're shy and inexperienced. This is how you gain competence, confidence, and experience.
     
  4. muterabbit

    muterabbit Fapstronaut

    159
    104
    43
    Thank you both for your input. My friend said you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. Asking out my coworker makes me nervous as hell, but I would hate to think that another wonderful lady got snatched up by another more confident guy. For all I know that guy is already dating her, but I won’t know until I ask her out.
     
  5. Sinbad

    Sinbad Fapstronaut

    GO FOR IT!!!
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  6. Di.Do.555

    Di.Do.555 Fapstronaut

    249
    1,060
    123
    Wow - i was going to ask the same question. ( i will post it on a separate post)
    My advice for you, contact her and ask her general questions. If she is interested she will give you clues. If not she won't reciprocate much. Notice her body language or her non verbal clues.
     
  7. 12yearWanker

    12yearWanker Fapstronaut

    11
    22
    3
    bro, If you don't ask her out, you'll regret it till the day you die. If ever you think you stand a 1% chance with a girl, please, just ask her out. I'm dating a girl who curved me 3 years ago, and after 3 years I saw a 1% chance and i went for it. I'm the happiest motherfucker on this planet.
     
    muterabbit and Di.Do.555 like this.
  8. muterabbit

    muterabbit Fapstronaut

    159
    104
    43
    I want to ask her out properly in person, but I only see her in person at work. The trouble with work is that it doesn’t offer much privacy, and I know ladies generally prefer to keep dating private. Also, when we’re both on the clock, we’re often busy with work. Sometimes it can be slow, but it’s kind of unpredictable at our new location.

    It’s unfortunately looking more and more like I’m going to have to ask her out over text. Not sure what my opening would be, but here’s the core message I’m thinking of:

    “I like you and I want to know you better. Would you like to get some coffee Wednesday night?”
     
  9. Di.Do.555

    Di.Do.555 Fapstronaut

    249
    1,060
    123
    Good straight forward approach.
     
    Oldsoulyoungbody and muterabbit like this.
  10. Hey man, I will say like that
    It is always going to be beneficial

    New experience is experience. If she rejects you, you may feel more encouraged to text another one. If she say yes, then you may experience new things. And based on what will happen next you will be wiser for future.
    I had similar situation last year, but I went for it, texted 3 girls, and it happened that went out for a date with one of them. Still dating to today ;)

    Let me know what happened :)
     
    muterabbit likes this.
  11. muterabbit

    muterabbit Fapstronaut

    159
    104
    43
    After consulting with my Don Juan friend, I’ve decided to go with a more gradual approach. I might be blowing it by doing that, but I want her to feel comfortable around me first, and allow myself the opportunity to relax and feel comfortable around her.
     
  12. muterabbit

    muterabbit Fapstronaut

    159
    104
    43
    I texted her this morning to tell her I liked her, but said it was okay if she just wanted to be friends.

    Well, she just wants to be friends. I thought I’d feel lighter, knowing one way or another. I felt heavier. Just me for the foreseeable future... :(
     
    VeryImportantNick likes this.
  13. Mankrik

    Mankrik Fapstronaut

    722
    1,018
    123
    You made the right decision here regardless of outcome. I was in a similar situation with a girl who i knew for a long time and who just wanted to be friends when I had the courage to ask her out. Its a rough feeling and it's hard to open your heart to someone because you don't know if they feel the same. I admire your courage and am hoping to start doing a better job putting myself out there too.
     
    Oldsoulyoungbody and muterabbit like this.
  14. wwtl

    wwtl Fapstronaut

    322
    479
    93
    Now after being rejected you can focus on the actual problem to work on. You know that one from the other thread.
     
    muterabbit likes this.
  15. muterabbit

    muterabbit Fapstronaut

    159
    104
    43
    Right. I actually just found a video on YouTube with a great suggestion for how to move away from neediness towards self-validation:

     
    Wall_E and wwtl like this.
  16. See?
    You are expanding your knowlegde and exeprience. You become better person than before making action.
    She rejected you but its good. Your experience is richer, and its way better than not making anything.
    Good for you !
     
    muterabbit and wwtl like this.
  17. I recommend you these chanels:
    RSD Max, RSD Tyler
    Some of them videos are really great
     
    muterabbit likes this.
  18. muterabbit

    muterabbit Fapstronaut

    159
    104
    43
    Thank you for your suggestions. :emoji_slight_smile:
     
    VeryImportantNick likes this.
  19. ClickClickBoom

    ClickClickBoom Fapstronaut

    126
    1,876
    123
    Just be direct and ask her out, say what's on your mind, if she says yes Great! if she declines then you just need to move on.
     
  20. Oldsoulyoungbody

    Oldsoulyoungbody Fapstronaut

    10
    3
    3
    Hey man sorry to hear she said she just wants to be friends, a lot of my buddies started out as just friends with their girlfriends. Who knows maybe at some point down the road her mind will change, I’d say try to pick up on her hints but it sounds like your like me, horrible at picking up on hints. Best I can say is if you think things might be changing in your favor don’t feel afraid to ask her if she’s dropping hints or if your picking up on something that’s not happening. Worst thing that could happen is she giggles and says no just having a good time with you. I told my girlfriend before I asked her if she’s be my girlfriend that I’m horrible at picking up on hints and she said it’s up to me to make the move if I think there’s an opening so I guess that’s my advice to you as well, if you think she wants you to kiss her go for it. I was shaking like a new born fawn when I kissed my girlfriend for the first time so don’t expect it to be easy, I even asked my friends how to go about it. Best of luck to you in your new friendship!
     

Share This Page