Sharing your addiction with others (questionnaire)

I decided to put this little questionnaire together in order to stimulate some helpful conversation and see if a few personal theories were valid. If you've ever revealed to someone your addiction to pornography, then please answer to the best of your ability. Comments and observations welcome!

• When you told someone about your addiction, who did you share with and why?
  
• When you revealed your addiction, what was the reaction you received?
  
• What occurred as a result of your choice to share? Was there a change in stress levels, difficulty to cope, or relationship?
  
• What kind of impact has the addiction had on your personal relationship (i.e. with your significant other)?
  
• What perspective or lasting impression have you acquired due to sharing your addiction with other people?

 

I suppose I can start, just to jump-start this silly thing.

• When you told someone about your addiction, who did you share with and why?
  
  I've shared it with a few people. There are a few personal friends that have gone through lust and pornography addictions, and we've touched on the struggle every so often. I've shared it with pastors that have gone through issues with lust and have given valuable input on predicting and heading off the urges and desires.
  
  I've also shared it with significant others (with mixed results).
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• When you revealed your addiction, what was the reaction you received?
  
  Men who had dealt with it (or were dealing with it) were incredibly receptive and sympathetic - much as many of you are, fellow Fapstronauts all. With only one exception, my ex-wife and ex-girlfriends handled it very... poorly. My ex-wife engaged in it with me for a time, but as it deteriorated our relationship, she began to loathe me as an individual and a man. My ex-girlfriends all either shrugged it off (well, one did), or (in the especial case of my last ex) saw it as personal affront to her womanhood and her position in my life, and was, to use her terminology, "horrified and devastated".
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• What occurred as a result of your choice to share? Was there a change in stress levels, difficulty to cope, or relationship?
  
  Most notably, my most recent ex took the revelation very poorly. She began to make demands and constant inquisitions into my life. Even when I was "sober", she still was very uneasy, clingy, and invasive. I grew to avoid telling her about my relapses and the issues because it would visibly rip her to pieces. The guilt, shame, condemnation, and anger she held over me on a regular basis was almost tangible, and she would make repeated claims that she could not trust me or that I was not worth putting faith in. It got the point where I simply lied to her - "Yes, honey, I'm doing fine, haven't looked at it in months." It didn't improve the situation.
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• What kind of impact has the addiction had on your personal relationship (i.e. with your significant other)?
  
  With my ex-wife, it ate away at our personal intimacy, adding to the numerous issues that drove a wedge between us. With my other girlfriends, it did more damage to me because I felt empty, emotionless, stoney, unable to feel or empathize. Romance and love was pretty much out of the picture. Half of the time, I just didn't care - even though I knew I should. Relationships turned into a duty for me, not a passion.
  
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• What perspective or lasting impression have you acquired due to sharing your addiction with other people?
  
  Honestly, I've learned that most women can't handle pornography addictions in their SO very well. With the one exception - my current girlfriend - it's all been a catastrophe.

 

So, what, they didn't understand why you were addicted to PMO, or why you were trying to get over it?

I think the neutral response is pretty common among friends and acquaintances. People that have significant investments in us (like SOs and family) tend to have more extreme reactions, in my observation.