I'll start by saying I am not good at writing these journals, it's never been my cup of tea to write about my day/week. However I feel desperate, and I want to go give it another serious attempt to fight this addiction. So I'll try to stay committed and update this journal with the good and bad days. Also if anyone feels like sharing/posting their journey as well, feel free to do that together with me. I personally think walking the road together is always better than walking it alone
You write it, I will read it and I hope what I may offer goes some way to helping us both feel the incredible love of God and that if fuels a distrust of ourselves and an unbroken trust in Our Precious Lord.
Day 1 So far so good, knowing it's only the beginning. Yesterday I had a nice efficient day, without any temptation whatsoever. I think one of the reason is of deciding to log into NF again daily which definitely gave me a certain peace of some sorts. Also I did pretty well in not browsing the internet (mainly YouTube) but instead reading a book, which already started to grab my interest and I look forward to reading some more again. Totally random, about cold showers. I know this has been some hot topic about weather they help you against PMO. For myself I don't really know if it helps against my addiction, and if it helps it definitely wouldn't be as important as say living your day with God or blocking the potential sources of temptation. But what I can say is that it makes you feel super super refreshed. Sure a hot shower is the nicest when it comes to short term pleasure (assuming you take short showers, like I do haha), but a cold shower will give you much more benefit in feeling refreshed afterwards for quite a long time. Long story short, somehow I connected this a bit with P, just like cold showers it will be tough in the beginning to get under that cold stream, but if you do, and you persist, in the longer run you will benefit from it. Now cold showers will only give you a longer benefit for a certain amount of time, but stopping PMO, or maybe in other words, living the life God wants me to, gives me eternal life!
Add a prayer to the Holy Spirit to protect us during times of temptation to a cold shower and you may really have something! Such a ritual would address the spiritual and the physical aspects of unwanted lust.
Day 2 Wasn't really satisfied with the start of the day. I didn't start doing the stuff I had to do since I ''didn't feel like it'', which eventually led to me just procrastinating the majority of the morning. Naturally I got some small urges to again delve into the thing I so desperately wanna stop, but luckily God helped me not to listen to those temptations, and ignore them. I have to stop procrastinating though, if I only do the things I feel like doing, it will eventually will only lead to P, when some moment ''I feel'' like watching P. Therefore today I'll make sure to commit myself to doing things I Don't feel like doing, so that when urges hit I also am stronger in withholding them. The afternoon was great though, went to some musical (great show!), which required a 2 hour drive. I was on the highway and me (who was driving) and the people who I was driving with almost got into a big car crash which I could only just avoid (thank God everyone could avoid). Before starting the drive though I prayed to God, asking if he could keep us safe on the way (which I don't always pray for), so I was very thankful throughout the whole afternoon.
Btw I won't be posting the coming days, since I will be away for the weekend and won't be taking my PC. I'll make sure to continue updating this journal from the 5th onward.
Day 3, 4, 5 I'm back from my weekend trip! Things went well streak wise, they always do when I'm in the company of other people. It's quite strange for me how I usually have no urges at all during those times, but as soon as I get home I get hit by heavy temptations and usually give in. Warning myself here, now I have to be 100% on my guard again! Exited for the coming things to do this week, many things to look forward to!
Day 6 This day was a weird one. I think I can be largely positive over a big portion of the day. I am currently in the habit of waking up at 6 am and first reading my bible, praying and checking NF. This has resulted in great starts of the day where I am much more efficient in my work/study after my morning schedule. Same for this day, started of great and was very efficient. However after came three weak parts, in between the good. 1 I intended to take a ''powernap'', but ended up sleeping for 2 hours, I felt like I wasted my time. 2 I saw some nudity in a movie and searched up the actress who played the role in that movie, aware of what my intentions were at one point I quit and didn't continue.3 Late afternoon I spend an hour or more watching YT without watching any informative videos. I often notice that this is the beginning stage of getting urges after not finding any more interesting videos. Thankfully God helped me realise this after an hour or so, and I stopped, continuing with the things I actually wanted to do. So all in all, although there were definitely weak moments I was mostly satisfied. Now I will try and work on getting those weaker parts out of this day. Btw, at one point I'd like to reset my streak counter when I do things like watching up actresses with a clear intention on why I do those things. Now however I feel it might be better to keep my streak going unless of course I PMO, just to have some extra motivation. Also as mentioned in another Thread I want to start memorising one bible verse a day, starting with the free now document
Very quick still wanted to comment on this verse, the one I'll be memorising today. “See how very much our Father loves us, for he calls us his children, and that is what we are!” 1 John 3:1a What a wonderful feeling it is to be loved, totally underserved as sinners, because we are God's children!
I think the specifics of how we are inspired are different for each one of us as a consequence of the wonderful variations in talents God has bestowed on us. However, I think there are a couple of common areas we cannot neglect even if we adhere to them in different ways. I am sure that reading God's word in the bible is one important area and for some memorizing verses there is an excellent source of refuge. Another vital area is prayer from the heart. In some of my previous reboots, I memorized a very long set of prayers and a few bible verses that complimented it. I made it a habit to recite these each morning as I made a 20 minute walk to the train station for work. Frequently, I left no extra time to make my desired train and I had to focus on walking very fast to reach it. I still prayed my memorized prayer and verses along the way and I relied upon them to keep me from sin. Ultimately, I fell and ultimately I was shown that my memorization and recitation were not an effective substitute for real time spent in conversation with Our Lord. I can see that my "fast walks" were a distraction and I wasn't really praying but merely reciting words. Perhaps it is different for each of us but in my personal experience, time taken for prayer from the heart is absolutely vital.
Day 1 Every day 1 means the previous day was bad, yet it also means that God gave me the strength to continue on and give it another go. Yes, yesterday was not good. It started of well, but soon came a moment where I needed to wait for a phone call, and instead of using my time wisely I decided to scroll about on my phone which eventually led to relapsing. It was the weird YT stuff, guess most wouldn't call it P. But I'd say it doesn't really matter that much whether it was P or not. My mind was already focused on the thing that I try to quit, so either way it was bad. After relapsing I contacted my AP and attempted to get going again. But honestly the whole day was a struggle, which usually is the case with me when I relapse. It's very unfortunate how much time I waste on this addiction, it's ridiculous. Still to end on a positive note. Like I said previously I am happy that God gave me the strength to start again. And I'm obviously very thankful, that I can, because Christ died for me and everyone on the Cross so that my sins are taken away. Aside from keeping my eyes on God, reading the bible and prayer I think my primary focus should be to find things that I can always do when I have time left over or I have to be waiting for things. I notice those are the times I can be very weak and get urges.
Absolutely agree with you on this! Indeed like you say everyone has it's own ways and I don't really think there is a right or wrong. But also I agree that prayers shouldn't be mere repetition. For me I usually pray when walking, I notice I get distracted very easily by other thoughts if I just sit somewhere. So I walk for 20-30 minutes praying, then I read my bible and recently immediately after log into NF. As for memorising of bible verses. I notice that indeed the more I memorise them each day the more it feels like repetition, although I try to understand and feel what the verse I read really says each day. However with this I don't necessarily think repetition is a problem. Because my main goal of memorising bible verses is that in times of need (whether that be during temptations or pain or whatever), the verse might just suddenly pop in my mind and give me peace during those turbulent times.
Day 2, What a wonderful day! I asked the lord for renewed strength and oh boy did I get that. With all I did yesterday I was super efficient, got a lot of stuff done. Also had a nice coffee break at our neighbours. I'd say only weak point was in the evening during 8 PM, I felt I deserved some rest, but instead of delving into hobbies that I like and won't create urges I once again opened YT. The more I write this journal the more I realise I have some weird YT addiction as well. As soon as I don't know what to do I open YT. Thankfully after 20 minutes or so I noticed my mistake and instead of keeping on with mindless scrolling, I switched of my pc and joined my parents watching a movie. (Which was a terrible movie btw hahaha, but oh well). Little about today, I woke up intending to check NF but instead I again... yes you've guessed it opened YT again to watch some football (or for the Americans out there ''soccer'') recap. on the right side of YT was one of those recommendations that gave me urges again. I was very tempted to click on it, but instead opted not to. Quit YT and now am on NF writing this message. Thank God! Also I'll be away for a big part of the weekend again, so I'm not quite sure if I'm able to update my journal. If not I'll make sure to give a update again on Monday. Finally this evening I'll be watching the new spiderman movie that just aired in cinema's. Super super hyped! Anyone else liking the super hero movies?
I go to YT to watch documentaries, religious talks and "how-to" videos on various things around maintenance, repair, etc. Lately, I notice that YT often positions some sort of tempting pic to the upper right of the video I have chosen. However, I find this is easily thwarted by simply clicking on the full screen mode for my video. God always provides a way out, He only asks that we choose it.
I got off YT altogether for a while, and that was a help. Now I limit my time there, avoid idle scrolling, and mainly use it for the same sorts of things CPilot mentions. We're seeing Spiderverse 2 on Sunday. Can't wait!
Day 1, 2, 1 Didn't have a great weekend, relapsed twice. No P, but still, relapse is relapse. Cause of relapsing was once again mindless scrolling and getting tempted. Like you guys say it's indeed something I should stop doing and limit my time on YT, or indeed not watch YT at all. I think that's what I'll be doing. Next goals - No YT this week - Getting a 7 day no relapse streak - keep memorising bible verses
I don't know if everyone has this problem but I find that my mind frequently turns to temptation unless I make an active effort to feed it with something else. Modern secular music doesn't help, indeed it often causes me to think of unhealthy things. One thing that I do frequently turn to with success is a podcast entitled "Bible in a year with Fr. Mike Schmitz". This young priest reads a few chapters from the bible each day and then explains the significance. He has an energetic and engaging demeanor with lots of interesting incite to offer. Some of the Old Testament can be a bit of a tough slog but the Fr. has helpful insight for each day that keeps it interesting. I am on day 295 and looking forward to 296.
Thanks CPilot for your post. I agree, I recently made a list of things I can do to feed me with something else. Also the music thing you mentioned I recognise myself indeed. Could you send me the link of the podcast, I'd definitely be interested
