Sex should i go or not? 10 month without sex

Do you like the idea of having a baby with this woman? If not don't have sex with her. Don't get me wrong I'm not saying you should have a baby with her but if she were to get pregnant after sex you should be ok with still having a relationship with her. That's what I think anyway.

 

This is a good observation. Like basically all of us here, you learned about sex through porn, and porn is a severely distorted version of sex. Porn doesn't really understand sex or what it is for, so the version of sex it portrays will never work the way we want it to. If we try to relate to sex the way porn taught us to, it's going to lead us back to porn.

Biologically speaking, on chemical and neurological levels, sex does three things. First, obviously, it's to make babies. Second, not obvious to most people, it bonds couples together. Males and females experience this bonding through different hormones, so it's a different experience. Women bond to their partners through oxytocin, the same hormone that bonds them to their babies. They get it through eye and skin contact. Hopefully through eye to eye contact and skin to skin, eye to skin would be less than ideal. For most women, there is no such thing as casual sex, why they can't "have sex like a man" and are more prone to "catch feelings," despite significant societal pressures to be casual and unfeeling. Men also bond with their sex partners, but through vasopressin. I know less about it. It doesn't appear to be as fast or strong, but we do experience bonding, which is why we also "catch feelings" with sex partners. This bonding process that both males and females experience is to help them stay together to help raise the baby that they made. Finally, the last thing sex does is makes you feel good. This is also in service to reproduction, because if it didn't feel good we are smart enough that we probably wouldn't do it, raising babies being extremely expensive in terms of time and material resources, and for humans it is a very long commitment. But it does feel good and makes us crazy, so against all common sense we trade 30 seconds of bliss for 18 years of existential hell while you try to keep this screaming, wiggly snot & vomit factory alive and teach him or her to take care of themselves. Porn believes sex is only good for the last thing, for feeling good, so it abuses sex and turns it into a whole lot of other things it shouldn't be, like serving your ego and dealing with stress. Porn, as ego stroking and stress management, turns sex into a bigger part of your life than it should be, and sets up unrealistic expectations... it's a mess. Bottom line, you won't ever be satisfied with real world sex until you learn and experience what it is supposed to be.

Which is not to say, you have to go make a baby right now. God no. But I do rec. using it for bonding. First you need a person worth bonding to. @onceaking 's rec. is solid; you might not want to make a kid with this person right now, but unless you are okay with doing that with this person eventually, and it wouldn't totally ruin your life if you did it right now (because pills, IUDs, and condoms are all good, but not perfect), don't do it with that person. That probably means a multiple month relationship with this person, at minimum. Then, when you decide to take it to a physical level, do so slowly and with care to take care of your partner, with lots of communication. Porn can not bond, so it tells you good sex is about thrills and excitement, impulsivity, new experiences, positioning, and athleticism. Because those are things porn can offer, and porn has to sell itself. Good sex is really about communication and mutual care. If you focus on the parts of sex that porn want you to care about, real sex isn't going to be as good at those things as porn, so you'll go back to porn. If you focus on what sex is supposed to be, you'll find it more fulfilling than porn could ever hope to be.

Sorry for the wall o' text, hope this helps.

 

Sounds a bit like a situation I was in. My ex was just as broken as me. I thought we could heal each other but it turned out I was wrong. After a year the relationship got toxic and eventually ended badly. Not saying the same thing will happen to you but that is my experience. I suppose at least you somewhat know the woman and she isn't someone you've just met.

 

gem holy ty for sharing this

amazing

 

You say you have went a long time without porn, but what about masturbation?

have you also went 2.5 years no masturbation as well?

 

Go for it if you want it too. Do not go for it if you do not want it.