Hi everyone, I’m new here and would like to know if anyone has experience rebooting while having sex with or without orgasm. A little background. I divorced 2 years ago after 20 years and looked at porn while married but not much. I had a one year relationship after divorce where the sex was ok but definitely noticed I was having trouble having orgasm here and there. PIED was not in my vocabulary.. never dreamed porn could cause ED. So I broke up with the first girl (not sex related) and went crazy with the porn for a couple months.. then met a new girl. First time having sex... got hard no problem but it vanished once the condom was on. Horrified, but gave her a good time orally and told her I’ve never experienced this before. Worst case of blue balls I have ever had for a while after. I tried changing diet, exercise, meditation.. nothing. But had no problem when by myself. I feel pretty fortunate because this girl made it her personal goal to make me cum the next couple times and when it did happen, it took forever and I was barely hard when I came. We talked about it openly and she has been an angel about the whole thing. So now I have learned about rebooting and plan to do a 90 day. Still not sure exactly what rewiring is but looking into that. My only question is should I just tell her no sex till her birthday (ironically 3 months from now) or just avoid giving me an orgasm and work on trying a hundred different ways to give her orgasms without intercourse? Has anyone been through this kind of situation?
I went through my reboot with no PM. It was a decision my wife and I made together. All situations are different and I don't know if that would work for you but when I'm a relationship I would discuss it with her and make your plan after reading and learning. Best wishes to you both and welcome to the community.
If you want to do a 90 days hardmode, explain to her. Call it a wager, an experiment or something. If she feels like contributing to your healing, be open with her, cause its not her fault if you got this addiction. AS LONG AS SHE KNOW WHY YOU ARE DOING IT. For me, I PMO'd since I was about 13yo. Divorced after a 5 years relationship (sex was great at first then it became scarce, no ED issues then), I spend 2 years alone working and going to school and PMO'ing like my crazy. VHS tapes back then lol. Then Im now married again and with my wife for almost 20 years now. I'm 45. She is 55. I have more libido than her, so I compensated with PMO. She knew but was in denial. I started experiencing PIED and she blew a gasket. So I came here and rebooted for 180 days. I never tried to avoid real sex. To me, porn helped me compensating for lack of frequency. My wife, got love her, has been supportive, as the struggle is real and I can prove to her (using this site and other good reading) that PMO addiction exists. Re-wiring is refering to brain pathways..its like re-learning by changing your habits, so the brain reacts differently. To me, PIED is the brain all damaged that is suffering from "shopping fatigue"...as you are looking at the darn catalogue all the time (internet P), you are no longer interested in real sex, as its becoming too common, too vanilla. RE-wiring is happening in phases, its different for all, but basically you need to replace bad behaviour by healthy ones without fighting, just replacing. No Porn stimuli and no masturbation alone, and eventually your body will become aroused again by real sex. You also need to "observe" your thought to determine if you are "objectificating" women. If porn turned your brain into a person that "inspects" the ladies top to bottom and you imagine how "good" they are in bad, its another proof that you need to change your thoughts. Usually, I get soft in the transition from pleasuring her towards intercourse. Partly because the wife only likes one position, always the same. Its so scripted, and she is not willing to venture out of her comfort zone much...so its VANILLA. Im here again because I lowered my guard and binged PMO and whiskey for 2 weeks during the holidays. Alcohol is also bad for ED... Im taking some off-the-shelves natural products such as:zinc, potassium, vitamin B6, odourless garlic extract, eat celery and bananas...those items are all related somehow to increase in blood flow. I havenèt PMO'ed for two weeks now, and the wife surprized me with a non-expected time and position this week-end and I had no issues with PIED. It helps that I discussed the "coolidge effect", which is an adverse reaction (can cause PIED) due to too much exposure to P. Coolidge is like when you are bored of going to the same restaurant, its no longer exciting or rewarding much to go...because the sick brain is bored of everything "soft porn", sometimes bored of mayny sex vids, and this is were you start looking at other stuff, sometimes pretty screwed up. As polygamy is not an option (even illegal in most places), if you have a lovely lady that shares your life with you, then you need to save your brain/penis for her. That way, you are getting excited by your lover, not a screen. Your thoughts?
Thanks so much for the response. The “shopping fatigue” definitely rings a bell with me. I definitely have a strong will to stop everything sexually unrelated to my SO now. I really feel kind of stupid I didn’t correlate the PM to the ED. I went to the doctor first thinking it might be physical but my doctor said it’s mental and prescribed the blue pills. Tried the pills 2 times and realized it’s not going to cure the mental part. So my plan now is to break the news to my SO this weekend and see what she thinks. A total hard reboot will probably be difficult but I don’t think I’ll have any problem avoiding PM from now on - now that I know what caused the ED. I’m just glad to hear there is hope to recover and we have these tools to help. Thanks again for replying. I’m really glad I posted.
Thanks for the reply Freddie. I certainly agree talking to her and making a plan together is the way to go. Especially since she is still around. So the reboot begins!
Just wanted to update on the situation. I talked to my SO on Friday and laid it all out on the table and told her what’s been going on with me. It was a little scary at first but once I told her flat out I was PMOing too much and planned to shut down the whole operation for her, she was a little confused but took it in stride. She asked if I wanted to just not see her for 3 months. I said not seeing her might make me more likely to relapse. Its been about a week since I started the reboot and i have definitely been flatlining... nothing except erection at night here and there. Haven’t been thinking about anyone but her. Im surprised I’ve been able to turn off the urges pretty quickly but they happen maybe 5 or 6 times a day. Started learning Russian and exercising to distract. Anyway today I finally got to spend the day with her and holy shit, It couldn’t have gone better. When it got to the point of having sex, she told me “your cock is mine, leave it alone!” and proceeded to give me the best bj I’ve ever had. I thought I was having trouble getting hard at first but she pressed the right buttons and her determination trumped my need for seeing 50 different women to finish. I still barely have feeling but it got a bit better and my body didn’t shut down like it has been. I really felt much more engaged and spent a lot of time paying attention to her.. but still need to finish the reboot. I We also agreed to skip intercourse for the reboot. I can honestly say I am very angry at porn and what it did to me. My experience today cemented those feelings. My case is probably milder than most because the period of time I was PMOing hard core was about 3 months but it effected me all the same. I really feel for the guys on here that have been struggling for years. Hopefully I’ll be able to avoid relapse and be normal again by May. I can’t thank “itsmeagain” enough for posting your experience and the advice. If I hadn’t found this website I could still be trying to figure out what the hell is wrong with me!
@New Man by Spring , I'm glad I could help! Usually we are better at giving sound advice to others than to help ourselves! For me, as my wife is supportive also, its somewhat easier for me to reboot. We tried intercourse and I got soft during the transition again. Guess I have to give it another 20 some days and re-assess. Darn porn and its lies!
