I read time and time again, the importance of 'Shadow work' and 'self investigation' on the route to recovery. But what happens when you reach a glass ceiling? For example, I have managed to map out my route to addiction. When I was 10 I walked in on my mother cheating, and was made to keep it secret. This very confusing and upsetting time in my life definitely did a number on my developing psychology. Then when I was 12 my friend showed me how to find porn on the internet. I noticed that my penis didn't look like theirs , after researching I discovered I had PPP, I became hugely self conscious about it. It wasn't until I was 19 that I was able to discreetly go to get them removed. So the handful of sexual encounters I had between that time were very tense for me and massively fueled my anxiety. Porn was an easy alternative as I had no anxiety around it. But even after having my PPP removed, the anxiety around sex stuck, and felt myself being pulled deeper and deeper into all of my addictions. After several failed relationships. I found one that is exactly what I need, a woman who claims to be able to see me at my core and willing to do whatever I need to help shed my corrupt layers. It's largely thanks to her that I no longer drink, no longer smoke, no longer do drugs, and have gone from daily PMO to weekly, to monthly, to now. Where I feel so close to being free. Yet I can't figure out how to stop my brain just flipping a switch if I'm in a certain frame of mind and not paying enough attention.
I think the answer lies in the question of “what exactly is it you gain from your PMO addiction” Many would disagree but a lot of the time, what fuels the fire of PMO is unresolved feelings. The problem is they usually live below the conscious mind and so you have to hunt them down via shadow work. Begin working through whatever the feelings are and your addiction should begin to weaken. The alternative analysis is that the addiction is 100% neurochemical but I’ll leave that for you to decide.
